Mel this is spectacular, you really seem to have a handle on this... well done.
Let him be bummed, leave him to wallow in the mess he's made that is just NOW coming to the surface of daylight.
he's going to whine and play victim like a child at times, wanting everyone to feel sorry for HIM... Just walk away... its pathetic.
After he wallows for a while you can tell him
"You have ONE CHANCE to clean this mess up. I am willing to attend a family therapist program with you to explore if the damage you've done can be repaired or not... I don't have my hopes up, but our family is the most important thing to me, even if you have decided to urinate on that for the last x months"
I am going to set something up, even if you aren't going I am going because I feel like crap and need to find out how to process how violated I feel over how much you've shamed our marriage and our children... our CHILDREN. I will give you info on the time and date of the appointments and find out from the therapist if you are welcome to attend."
And walk away.. he may want to say something just put your hand up and show him he needs to save it for later...
Just walk out
Don't do that yet... wait for a while... let the exposure get more into him. It does sound like its having the desired effect.
You WILL need to keep reinforcing the points you've made
Call it an affair, not a friendship etc.. you've been doing great with that... NEVER backup and refer to it as anything else from this point... This woman is not a friend, she's a threat to your home and your children...PERIOD.
Keep exposing. He may protest more, just do what you did, it was great.
Infidelity is a good word to use too... It has a very unsavoury sound to it.. affair in some cases may romanticize the mess a bit over much (puppy pointed this out). Affair is a good word to use too, as long as it captures what's going on without hiding anything.
There's a great book called Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass. My advice Mel is for you to BUY IT.. you dont have to read it right away.. just buy a few infidelity books especially THAT one and leave them laying around your home to haunt him... he may even pick one up and look in it...
Buy about six including the Glass... put bookmarks in them so he can see you are reading them...
Read them at your leisure, but leave them laying around the home. Do that before you leave if you can.
