Okay - I need to be clear on what I meant when I said my H said it was okay that I go. Of course he cannot stop me - BUT, from the research I've been doing, it seems that he could put up a legal fight for me taking our daughter. Or, he could just refuse to give her back after he watches her tomorrow (which I can't not have him do because I have to work).
I did not ask him if it was okay that I go- I told him I was going. But, I was very relieved when he just quietly said "okay" - because that meant I wouldn't have to fight over our daughter at this point. I told him that I was going to "play it by ear" in terms of when I'm coming back - and I don't intend to come back until I'm good and ready. My hope is that by being faced with an empty house and missing family, it will start to turn his stomach - he's been awful to me, but he's remained fairly dedicated to seeing our daughter so I know this won't be pleasant for him.
I also chose to expose to his mom today - I felt it important that she understand why I would take off with my D. over father's day - I did it in person and she was noticeably crushed that her son has done this. I think he had her just as convinced as I was that all of these "stories" about we're "just friends" were true . . . and now that she knows that it's a real A., she is so disapointed in him. I felt badly, however, because I know she's in real pain. She is a fabulous mother and really didn't raise my H. this way - family values have always been important to her and I know she is devastated that her son has made these choices. I felt somewhat selfish dropping this load on her, but then again . . . it's the pressure I need to encourage my husband to do what's right for his family.
He called me tonight wanted to "check on times for tomorrow." But then he was just trying to make simple conversation and I cut it off - said I had to get my grades done. So he called back a little bit later and wanted to talk about what I told his mom - he didn't sound angry - he sounded really low and depressed. He said he's not bummed that I told her for himself, but he wanted me to know how much it upsets her. And I said, "I know . . . we're all bummed at the choices you've made."
And then I told him I also told my boss today so that I could control how she hears it and his response is "why did you call in an affair." He was clearly perterbured at that labeling - I said "because that's exactly what you call it when your spouse violates the vows he/she made to you."
Then I told him I had to go finish my grades and I got off the phone. I sincerely hope that he's coming to an understanding of the pain he's caused everyone and starting to recognize his own role in the situation - I doubt we'll go forward without more steps backward - but just maybe this will be a first positive sign.
Of course, since I had previously told him that I wasn't planning to tell anyone (moment of desperation when I confronted him over most recent information garnered from my colleagues), he is probably also wondering if I will tell anyone else.
And I'm still not sure what' I'm going to do with that - I need to determine what would happen to me financially should he lose his job while I still have one.
