YES, there is actually a TV show for addicts CALLED intervention.. its great research material... watch a few being done, watch how resistant the addict is... watch how manipulative and angry the addict gets too.. its scary!
I've heard of the show, but I've never watched it. I will see if I can find a few episodes to watch online.
Originally Posted By: Allen A
Do it, but plan it out well...
As in, have a script for everyone and stick to it.
Originally Posted By: Allen A
Don't talk to him or try to make him feel bettr.. he will be playing victim big time here... just let him WHIMPER in his own MESS... OKAY?
Something I've struggled with in dealing with his schizophrenia. I will have to return to my schizophrenia support group for advice on how to do this AND not send him into an episode at the same time. It's a tricky balance. But, now that I'm thinking on it, I think if he does go into an episode, it's his own darn fault.
Originally Posted By: Allen A
stay emotionally detached.. think Mr Spock here.. poker face.. that vulcan can intimidate anyone into maturity...
Now playing the part of Mr Spock... elvencat.... it will have to be my greatest performance to date as this is absolutely how I am not feeling. Method acting here I come.
Watch this at the library or something.. somewehre that your H isn't around.
If you can get your exposure group together to watch it that's even BETTER.. this vid is by Michele Davis and is targeted for the exposure group to educate them well...
I have seen it at least six times.. watch and take lots of notes
It runs about 45 mins or so.. great stuff.. i can't endorse this video enough
I will watch this as soon as feasably possible. Hopefully this afternoon when little one is down for a nap and H has run off to OW.
OH - H thought I wasn't where I could hear him when OW called and they talked for a while about stupid stuff. I made myself known when I heard H sounding like a lovesick teenage boy and I couldn't take it anymore. (I know I feel bad for eavesdropping, but I was hoping to hear something I could use in exposing them, like meetup places or something.) I told H I don't appreciate him speak to OW on the phone in front of DD and that it is very disrespectful to me to do so knowing I was in the next room. H actually apologized?! But I know he's trying to placate today. He's been doing it all day.
Me 32, H 34, DD 3 M 6, T 8 Bomb 03/10 OW Bomb 6/5/10 Separate & NC 6/28/10 My 2nd EA Thread
Ignore his plactating... As long as he keeps cheating openly you keep exposing it and speaking up for yourself and your family...
Btw, if it really stresses you out you can buy a cell phone jammer for 40 bucks or so at any IT shop... they will kill the cell phone signal within a pretty good radius of the jammer... much like going into a tunnel...
If the phone call just gets too much for you.. jam the sucker from the bathroom, he won't ever know.. keep the jammer in your purse.
a. I will help make dinner and do laundry b. You let me two-time you with OW
Good deal?
uh.. NO...
But he will try that.. its sociopathic and disgusting, but he'll try it...
Thank you for saying this. I needed to hear it because I think he's done this without me even realizing it. Now I'll know to be aware of it and watch for it.
Me 32, H 34, DD 3 M 6, T 8 Bomb 03/10 OW Bomb 6/5/10 Separate & NC 6/28/10 My 2nd EA Thread
If the phone call just gets too much for you.. jam the sucker from the bathroom, he won't ever know.. keep the jammer in your purse.
I giggled when I read this. Yes, this would be a good thing for me to have. It'll help me keep down the frustration level. I'll get one as soon as I have the money and the chance.
Me 32, H 34, DD 3 M 6, T 8 Bomb 03/10 OW Bomb 6/5/10 Separate & NC 6/28/10 My 2nd EA Thread
If your H tries to call OW again in your own home ask him to leave.. just tell him to leave the house and he isnt' welcome back here while he's doing that... tell him to leave and to keep away from you and your daughter until he chooses to act like an adult...
Want a good tip? Get a few friends and have one visit with you regularly... for moral support.. and whenever your H is there and you bust him on anything your friend will stand right there and watch coldly...
This has an exposure effect on the situation becuase he's being publically exposed each time you bust him with your friend there.
He may just stay silent
You just tell him :
"She already knows you're cheating and not welcome as part of this family while you are doing that... Please leave and don't come back until you can act like an adult and a parent... I can find someone else to support your daughter who won't cheat on her... Please leave.. NOW"
Say it with cold forceful purpose.. not angry, just fed up...
If you keep someone with you it will help you to stay strong too... I don't reccomend interacting with a manipulative spouse one on one on your own like you're doing.. finda friend and have tehm hang out at yoru place. .. kinda like a buddy system.. have a couple if you can... they can run in shifts...
Your H should make himself scarce under those conditions.
I get the impression a lot of people sympathize with you but no one knows what to DO...
Thank you for saying this. I needed to hear it because I think he's done this without me even realizing it. Now I'll know to be aware of it and watch for it.
The thing is you want him to see you don't NEED him... Once he realizes he's been replaced with your friends who you collect to help with kids, laundry, cooking, etc He's just there taking up space.. it will BOTHER him...
he won't LIKE that your FRIEND is replacing him and his role...
SOund familiar?
Its a patonic affair.. you get a girlfriend to do all his work, get three gf's to run shifts and do it... He is NOT WELCOME to do ANY of the work...
If he tries you tell him :
"Your involvement in this family is not welcome. Go away please, we need a respectable husband and parent here with us, and right now I don't see one"
If he tries to make dinner you tell him :
"Whatever you make I'm throwing it out, so don't waste your time"
If he tries to do laundry :
"Whatever you wash I am just going to wash again, keep away from our clothes... Go to your childish phone and act like a teenager, we don't need that around here... we need a husband and parent and I don't see one around here..."
Keep that routine up.. when he realizes he's been OUSTED by your friends and their warm support he will be furuious most likley...
Don't let him get involved wiht the family, REPLACE him with a platonic female friend... you, daughter, and your friend go to the movies and the park etc... leave your H out of the loop...
Ie he complains :
"You aren't welcome as part of this family until you are prepared to ACT LIKE a father and a husband, right now I see a lying, cheating, sociopathic person that I don't want around my daughter... Please LEAVE"
Don't say the obvious "how does it feeel to be replaced?"
I get the impression a lot of people sympathize with you but no one knows what to DO...
Watch the video, it should help
I get this impression, too. I haven't watched the video yet because I haven't had alone time yet. The joys of having a young child who is a night owl who hates naps. ;-)
I just had a convo with H I'd like feedback on. I'm back to asking for reassurances, but am I getting on track with the "script" idea here?
Here's the sitch: DD and I are home. H is at OW's house. DD starts crying and says she misses daddy and I know the quickest way to calm her down is get daddy on the phone. I can't stand to see DD suffer for H's idiocy, so I call him. He doesn't answer. I text with "call and talk to ur daughter". He calls right back and talks to DD. She immediately calms down and talks with him. I get on the phone:
ME: We'll probably go to bed soon because she's been emotional all afternoon and evening. (Note: H is feeling guilty he stays out so late that when I get her to bed early he can't see her till morning.)
H: She usually is when she is tired so get her to sleep and I'll see you guys tomorrow.
ME: She's also repeatedly stated she misses daddy. That is NOT due to being tired. (Note: I figured here that I could point out he was making excuses without stating the obvious.)
H:(attacking) Your problem has NOTHING to do with DD.
ME: I'm sorry you feel that way.
H: GOOD NIGHT. (disconnects)
So, how did I do here?
Me 32, H 34, DD 3 M 6, T 8 Bomb 03/10 OW Bomb 6/5/10 Separate & NC 6/28/10 My 2nd EA Thread
