Yes a lot to report. Nothing really exciting...more of the same from H. He wore me down and got me into R talk yesterday. He is thinking, thinking, thinking and gets discouraged not being able to talk to me.
In person. I don't remember it all b/c I was focused on keeping control of my emotions.(and my mouth) After 30 mins of talk about kids, mostly me filling him in: H: What do you want to do about us? Me: Don't know that I have anything to do. This is your issue. H: I thought by this time, I would have figured it out, but I can't. I want to come home but I can't leave [her]. I have been in counseling every week for a year and still can't figure it out. I still think she could live in DD18's room and we could all get along. Me: (with a smile and a slap on the table) You have to stop fantasizing along these lines. It is not going to happen, no way, no how. You ruined any possibility of her staying a friend of ours when you began your affair with her. H: nodded and hung head. Me: you know where I stand. H: yeah..dump her and come home. Me: yes, but coming home is off the table. You would need to be alone for awhile. I do not want any more back and forths. H: Yeah, that's a good idea. H: I feel so obligated on both sides (he says on both sides when he means OW). I just kinda made a frowny whatever face.
The convo went on but was back and forth mixed w/ friends and family talk. Walking to the car he made no secret of checking me out. He talked about trading in his jag for something cheaper. I told him that would be silly, just wait for a slightly used 2011 XJ. The one we have is an 06, bought used to replace the one he totaled in 08. I asked him not to do any switching stuff around just now. He seemed relieved.
I wish I had continued the convo about obligation. That is her hook I guess. (She's making 70k in a school year, she'll be ok) How can he feel obligated to her? Yes she left her H for my H, but she did that the day after I kicked him out the 1st time, saying it was a coincidence...she had been planning it for some time. Well which is it? I know he has not committed to anything, he won't even move out of the motel.
How do I counter that kind of manipulation? Do I want to? I wish I had known how easily manipulated he was!! I have always been direct and honest...pouty and in need of rescue would have gotten me my way more!
What do you think of all this???
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
