Just Confronted - A Litttle Confused

[Allen A]

I have another question:

Wow QS, you have a lot of homework to do.. you really aren't reading any of these posts.. you aren't HEARING what people including MWD herself is SAYING.

Let me say this ONE MORE TIME


1. Addicts lie
2. Addicts make excuses for their bad behaviour
3. Addicts are NOT in control of themselves
4. Addicts want one thing - more more, and again more
5. Addicts are master manipulators - of spouses, children, even their parents
5. Addicts don't care about long term
6. Addicts don't care about logic
7. Addicts are not reliable
8. Addicts lie
9. Addicts talk ONLY for three things :
a. to pursue their addiction
b. to pursue their addiction
c. to pursue their addiction
10. Addicts lie
11. Addicts create walls to isolate themselves from anyone that may interfere with pusuit of their addiction
a. Emotional walls - I'm done, I'm divorcing you, I don't love you
b. Walls of Lies, stories, excuses
c. Walls of wood and brick - they shut doors, stay away from home, dissappear for hours on end
12. Addicts lie
13 Addicts use people
14. Addicts don't care if they hurt people
15. Addicts are ill
16. Addicts aren't loyal or dependable
17. Did I mention that addicts lie?

...

18. Addicts recover

She repeatedly insists that the Marriage was 200% over in the beginning of May. There was absolutely no going back for her. "I don't love you like a Husband, and I haven't for a while now". She said she reached her "breaking point" right then.

pp 139 of Divorce Remedy

1. Do NOT be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than eevr in your whole life and are desperate and needy.
2. Do NOT focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse.
3. Do NOT believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because s/he is hurting and scared.
4. Do NOT give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.
5. Do NOT backslide from your hard-earned changes.


Do you see number THREE? Let me post it here again for you :


3. Do NOT believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because s/he is hurting and scared.


Now, READ that...


3. Do NOT believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because s/he is hurting and scared.


read it again...


3. Do NOT believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because s/he is hurting and scared.


and yes read it ONE MORE TIME


3. Do NOT believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because s/he is hurting and scared.


Got it? Good.. NOW... what do you think the answer to the below statement of yours is... ?

She repeatedly insists that the Marriage was 200% over in the beginning of May. There was absolutely no going back for her. "I don't love you like a Husband, and I haven't for a while now". She said she reached her "breaking point" right then.

You got it :


3. Do NOT believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because s/he is hurting and scared.


Now.. I hate to be so literal and throw two by fours at you here QS, but you aren't HEARING what people are telling you and you aren't reading this book... READ the text above... write it DOWN on an INDEX CARD and tape it to your underwear if you have to... get that INTO your HEAD or you are TOAST.. you hear me?

She felt unappreciated and not very sexy and began talking with a married guy about marital problems. One thing led to another, bam emotional/sex chat affair and nude pics. She didn't feel bad because she ALREADY knew she was going to divorce me.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnndddddd... AGAIN


3. Do NOT believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because s/he is hurting and scared.

Then she reconnects with this FB guy, who also has been through a Divorce, and he starts giving her attention. One thing leads to another, and nude pics and sex chats, with later on planned video chats.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnndddddd... AGAIN


3. Do NOT believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because s/he is hurting and scared.

She says she lied "only to save me extra pain" because she already knew she was hurting me by being 200% committed to divorce. She gave me false hope about a "chance" and continued these sex chats.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnndddddd... AGAIN


3. Do NOT believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because s/he is hurting and scared.


And that "save YOU pain is bullshit.. if she was thinking about YOUR pain she would have called a family therapist and cleaned up this mess instead of her sleazy escapist nonsense..


3. Do NOT believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because s/he is hurting and scared.

Is is possible any of this is true, or is she just re-writing marital history and justifying what she knows to be wrong?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnndddddd... AGAIN


3. Do NOT believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because s/he is hurting and scared.

MWD writes in DR that some spouses are truly too far gone to do ANYTHING about, and that you really can't apply anything to them. But she also says you can't tell the difference.

She also writes this :


4. Do NOT give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.


quoted above and requoted here because you likely missed it cause you are so upset... I think you are a very intelligent man QS, but you need to get CONTROL of yourself and FOCUS on what you are being told... OVER and OVER and OVER AGAIN...

I have read repeatedly, the ILYBAMILWY is the direct result of a EA/PA, and causes the WAW to rewrite history to make justifications.

OK, you caught part of it... good going.. now scroll back up and read this whole thing again until its stuck in your brain .. you NEED to GET THIS... we aer NOT going to keep repeating it... OK?