What would you say to a male friend that opened up to you about something very private from his past? I would say something like, "Wow, that's some really big stuff you're carrying around. Says something about you that you've been dealing with all that and coping with life in general too." At least, that's close to what I've said to some of my men friends in the past when big stuff has been shared.
I like this a lot! I'm going to commit this to memory so when the occasion arises I'll have it ready to use!
The last time we really talked was early May, just before we officially separated and started moving in and out of the house. He talked about not being able to let go of things, said he was f'd up before he met me. He almost seemed embarrased to share it because he thinks it's too 'childish' to have carried around with him - even said something along the lines of "how do you go to an IC and tell them something from your childhood is still there, that you haven't let it go" yet it bothers him enough that he cried when he was thinking about it. That night I said something like "being hurt isn't childish, and when someone hurts us and we recall it, it's like being that age all over again, it hurts just as much until we learn to let it out and let it go - after that the offender can't hurt us anymore". To which he replied, with tears still coming down his face "what if the offender is God?". Then he wouldn't talk anymore.
My question is ... do I ever mention this? If I don't he may never bring it up again ... and it seems like something he needs and wants to get out just doesn't know how or doesn't feel safe doing so. I dunno.
Originally Posted By: Grace_O
You're idea about shooting pool is a good one. It's not as "intimate" as walking on a beach, yet there is room for convos to happen. Just let him start any convo that has anything to do with him. Keep any banter light and fun. I use this type of thing all the time with my D's. Really helpful.
Yeah, a game of pool is definitely a safer bet in that sense. We're both really drawn to the beach and have lots of happy memories there. We both love the ocean and I thought he might see it as a safe and familiar place. Maybe not yet.
And speaking of *intimate* ... wouldn't I love to go there again!!! I'm like a friggin' cat in heat!
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
