I guess I have to ask you what incentive your W has to change?
Other than missing her children (and there are ways to rectify that) she essentially can behave how she wants and she really doesn't have any consequences. Not having your children "full time" is all part of what happens when you have an affair and decide to reside elsewhere.
What if you said to her... "W, I would like us to attend Retro for a weekend session. I think it would do us both a world of good both as individuals, parents and perhaps a couple. If you choose not to attend I accept your decision however I have decided it is time to move forward with my life".
