W was in shower and then came walking out then into the bedroom. W said
"What if I said to you, that I wanted you to invite my family over for my birthday and I want to know if we can have the house together by then?"
I wanted to make sure I heard her correctly so I said
"You want me to invite your family over the house for your birthday?"
W replied "I was going to invite them but I wanted to make sure the house was in order before then" W then gave examples of things that need to be replaced ect..
I said "It is possible but I cannot do it alone"
W said "I did not say you would have to do it alone"
I said "Just wanted to ensure that" then I told W that it is something we can accomplish...
The story behind this, her family has not seen our new home yet. Only family member of hers that had come over since our purchase is my FIL.
Did I handle this well?
Should I leave it at that and assume she is trying?
Are they any heavy hitters I can say to her that can help our cause?
Last edited by OfficerInNeed; 06/10/1005:08 PM.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
This is very good. You will work together on a project that satisfies something she desires. If this is a good experience, you will be building your marriage with it. However, if this is a bad experience, you will be destroying it. You handled the agreement part well. I think you can do it!
The one thing I might suggest is for you to avoid using words like "cannot" with your W and always going right to the negative.
Your W just asked about having her family over and you right away went to "I can't do it alone". IMO that sounds negative.
Just for the future something along the lines of "W, I think it's possible if WE work TOGETHER".
At this point I would take things for what they are. Your W wants to have her family over and show off her house. It may or may not mean something for the future. But use this opportunity to your advantage. Working on a common goal is a GOOD thing!
No negativity during this process, no assuming, no snotty comments and make it all about the two of you working together!
W and I went out and got invitation for party and set a date. It is june 26th. W purchased little things for the house. I am trying to make things as smooth as possible and a great interaction between us.
W and I were talking when we got home about how we should word the invitations then W said
"I want it to be a house warming/birthday party" I told W "whatever ypu think is best, either way we will make it happen"
W then said "it's just that it will be my family's first time seeing the house so we should do it as a house warming party as well" I said "sounds like a good idea"
W then said " I don't want them (W family) think we are shutting them out"
I hope this is all for the better of our sitch. Who knows if W will revert back to full WAS mode after the party and still threaten to leave.
W has been using sounds to communicate far less. When she does I simply tell her that I cannot hear/understand her but she has not done it enough to warrant an actual talk about it. There are times where she does use sounds/body language to communicate with me but nothing to make a fuss about.
Before I left for work I said "goodnight" to W and I got no response I then sai "bye" and W said bye in return with a tone and facial expression as if she had said it three times already.
And PDT I am not sure if she is sick or "sick" but I can say she has been like this for 10 years but who knows...
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
