Thanks Kat!! I am SO glad to have something take my mind of my sitch--this class sure has done that!
If he goes for me ever again, it will be with PLEASURE that I put him in jail for a bit. I believe he needs to GROW UP. I have no problem with tough love any longer. I see him as a brat anyway, it's not too much of a stretch.
I'm sure my H doesn't know what he is or what he's doing or why. He is rather a typical unaware guy. If we get through this he will have "positive memories" again--it happened last time! He all but forgot HUGE amounts of time there when we were in our darkest moments. I have seen his moods and memories fluctuate from one end of a spectrum to another.
It's all about how you chose to view things. And he has made interesting choices in the past. I know I have to be patient--there is a "good H" and there is a "bad H" and I have to get more skilled at bringing up one and eliminating the other.
A month ago he brought up that he would go to a marriage thing at church. I know he wants something to change, and things to get better. He is angry at me, he thought he was doing a good job, now I have put my foot down and told him basically he is doing a sucky job--he doesn't know how to fix this. I think part of it is I haven't told him what MY idea of a "good job" is. He is not going to figure this out on his own--heck--**I** can barely get this thing figured out and I have all this HELP!!
I too grew up in a very dysfunctional family. It just puts you back SO much, doesn't it. I never had a role model of a woman that was successful at getting her needs met by a man. My mother was a train wreck and my dad just shut down--drank, overworked, and then had an affair.
So I am FAR behind. I basically have NO idea how I will reconnect with him any more. Last time this happened I just don't remember how this went! I remember for 9 months it was BAD--but them what? It got pretty good again, but ...how!!
If I was busy with my other stuff I wouldn't even "notice" probably--it would just happen. Like the other day I spoke to him on the phone and just like old times, I told him ILY at the end. Stuff like that will happen.
