Hi, I don't have any answers, but I had a problem with an H who HAD to have a skinny wife or else. Before we married he had me promise that I would never get fat. I thought, fat chance, I was 32 and had ALWAYS been thin. So we married and I got pregnant and along about the fifth month (no one could yet tell I was preggers, I was that thin( he said he couldn't handle the weight...and was unemotionally involved thereout. After the birth of our baby I lost all the weight kinda too fast. He never commented positively on my fab bod, but anytime a little weight went on he withheld sex.
I know there are always other issues, underlying issues, but fact is that with some shallow men, weight makes more of a difference than it should. I mean even during menopause I was never more than a tall size 12. And he told my therapist that it wasn't a secret that he found OBESE women sexually repulsive. I think there are low sex drive men but I think those men are way different from men who withhold sex when their wives gain weight . Then, if the wife complains, he says it isn't the weight...it's that she is controlling or critical or whatever. It isn't really a chicken/egg story...I believe that withholding sex from a women causes emotional pain almost beyond the ability to endure. The rejection becomes, in many of us, self loathing...when it is NOT our problem. The problem is more that some men can't come to grips with their feelings....you really can NOT like fat while still loving your partner. And you can support your partner's attempts at losing weight. Withholding sex for any reason hurts the marriage. And the only way to get back on track is open communication. To that end, have you tried letting your H know how much it hurts when you feel you aren't attractive and desirable to him? Let him know how he can help you..maybe joining you at the gym or on walks, eating a low carb diet, not building celebratory evenings out of dinner out etc....Good luck! gd
