You are going to get many opinions on what to do. The key is to understand all the choices you have, and then make the best choice based on what has worked for others. I strongly recommend following PDT guidance. I have seen people follow his advise and bust their D. I have not seen anyone bust their D when they do not follow his guidance.
With the in-laws, I would like to strongly suggest that you DB them also. They are extensions of your W.
Here are some of my mantras:
Always do my best. Do not take anything personally. Face my fear: Do not let fear control me. Do the right thing. Do not make assumptions. Be impeccable with my word. What is best for my kids is best for me. Stay in the present. The past is history,the future a mystery. Respond rather than react. Listen rather than speak. Change me rather than others.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
During the most difficult time in my life, I learned some important skills. I focused my energy on my kids and personal growth. PERSEVERANCE is very important to successfully DB. The best definition of perseverance I have heard is CONTENTLY WAITING. Very similar to PATIENCE, but it is being patient over a long period of time.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I updated my signature. And I met with her dad and was 100% honest. I told him that I loved his daughter, and I was going to fight for the marriage (in a smart way). I had no way to get my laptop there, so the video is going to have to wait until this weekend. But I will show him it. Thanks!!
I told him what she said to me, and he informed me that she totally took what he said out of context, and he would have never said it had he known she was going to hurt me with it.
Him and I shared a really moving conversation, and I told him that I wanted to see him face to face and man to man. I told him I owed him at least that much.
So the question now is do I do the GAL thing and be happy, cordial, and nice to the wife, or do I do detachment and just barely acknowledge her.
One of the reasons she had affairs is that she wanted the attention and to feel good. Should I at least throw some casual attention her way - like in passing - "hey you look good today,very nice!"
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
And again see? We told you it wans't as bad as she made it out to be...
QS.. WATCH the video yourself.. take NOTES.. everything YOU want to say to THEM is in that video said VERY well by Michele Davis herself... THe video isnt' just for them its for YOU
It's a GREAT VIDEO...LOTS of good stuff in there.. but if you can get your exposure group (friends and family) in front of michele in that vid she will do a much better job (no offence) than you can do in your current state...
This woman is a SOLID PRO and the vid will knock you on your ass its so straight forward and forthright...
I watched it myself at LEAST a half dozen times.. its very motivating too... I can't stress enough that you watch that sucker afew times and take notes from the master!
Probably the only thing you can be absolutely, positively sure of at this point is that she will NOT be completely honest with you about anything.
You are new at this so your behaviors are understandable but I will re-iterate what others have been saying. Chill out and stop be so re-active. Try to operate from a place of power instead of fear. You have NOTHING to fear. The worst case scenario is what is happening so you cannot make things much worst. Get brave, try to do the right things. More than likely you can only improve on the sitch.
Me 44 She 46 S13 D9 M18 T23 3 years DB'ing Successfully busted
DETACH... If you are nice to your wife the implied message you send is that you APPROVE and CONSENT to her AFFAIRs and her LIES
Just give her the silent treatment.. don't be mean, but don't put your emotions out there...
Think Mr Spock... POKER FACE.. always a poker face on that vulcan!
But in another post in this thread you advised to "make the home inviting". You mean by carrying my fair share and more around here? And just being a happy, fun-loving person that enjoys life and does not tick off his wife in any way?
Can I do that while still being detached? And what are going Dim/Dark, and are they applicable in this situation.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
