Just going in 'blind' to meet someone still doesn't feel quite right to me.
I used to get nervous too, but you do enough first dates and it starts to become fun getting to meet new people even if you realize you have no intention of seeing them again.
And eventually you will meet one that really brings out some of those feel good endorphines and you will be on cloud #9.
I can honestly say that I have never been too much into kissing, but I have recently found how nice it can actually be.
I'd say I love the Cardinals but then I'd be lying. But then again, isn't that what dating is all about...mutual deception! I also love golf...sorry, I can't bring myself to lie that deeply!
So who is the Omaha guy? The bartender? Or maybe someone from a dating site? I get the dating someone you know. You are in a vulnerable position and it makes it easier to put yourself out there. Just cut yourself some slack. It will have been 4 years ago this month that the bomb hit. It is a long time to have been dealing with this stuff. Just think though it has only been the last few months that I felt like I was ready to put myself out there.
I know you aren't me, but I really don't want to see you get into a relationship that turns out to be a rebound/band aid relationship. It may all seem great at first but I believe is more painful in the end because you put sooo much hope on to it. You fall for the illusion and not the reality.
Hang in there and just have fun.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
When you're vulnerable it can be attractive to find somebody quick and put the pain away. BBJ if you truly are in the Dan Detox you gotta do the program. That means to find yourself and create an identity that doesn't mix Dan with BobbiJo. That's work! I find that myself because for so long it was Whatis and the two timing...well, you know. It's hard to come to the conclusion that you will always come home and that person will never be there again! It takes time and you're really just getting started. Go Cardinals!
Buffet--This is a guy who lives in Omaha. But remember, I am happy to hit the driving range with you next time you are in town! Or play a little pool at the Upstream. I am equally bad at both, pool and golf, but I enjoy them both too. And find my ability improves slightly after a beverage or two (at least, in my mind! )
Kerry--Yep I know it will take time and I will give some new guys a chance, in time. Trust me I would love to have the opportunity to kiss someone! I have always been a fan of kissing, if I am in a relationship with someone they better we willing to be kissed at length on a pretty much daily basis.
Kat--I know what you are saying. I already got my endorphin rush from vomit guy after a few weeks of texting and talking on the phone. What a let down when I met him! And I got on match for about 10 minutes last night, and guess who IM'd me? Yup, him again. You'd think never hearing from me again after our ONE DATE back in November would give him a clue...
I also got a little excited/hopeful when R and I were hanging out and texting back in March/April. I was pretty bummed when that hit a dead end. However now I see it as for the best since we will quite possibly be working together on speech for years to come. Not good if we had dated and had a messy breakup. However a bit of friend w/kissing benefits, no expectations would still be nice!
Wii--I am in no rush. Trust me! Dan started his PA three years ago as of May, so it's been over three years since he actually 'left' me. He moved out almost 18 months ago, I started the D process almost a year ago. So even though the D has only been final for 4 months, the whole thing has been years in the making.
I am pretty much thinking that the Insanity fitness program is 60 days...and that is for my physical health.
I am thinking I will continue to read the abandonment book at night (read another 15-20 pages last night before bed) to work on my mental health.
And work on the home refi, meet with a financial advisor about my tax liabilities from alimony, etc. as well as working the Dave Ramsey plan to work on my financial health.
Church and some of the Cloud/Townsend stuff is great for my spiritual health.
So I figure the next 60 days at least, while school is out, I will work on getting all the facets of BBJ back up and running better than they have in ages. Then I will evaluate how I feel about dating somebody.
Until then, however, I am not closed-off to the option. If something comes up that gets my attention, ok. But I am not going to be desperately searching for my next 'soul mate'...
Wii--I am in no rush. Trust me! Dan started his PA three years ago as of May, so it's been over three years since he actually 'left' me. He moved out almost 18 months ago, I started the D process almost a year ago. So even though the D has only been final for 4 months, the whole thing has been years in the making.
Don't kid yourself, the Dan Detox kicks in when you finally decide it's time to let go and move on. That's tough, so don't underestimate it or what it takes to steady yourself on course! It was about a week ago or so when you really began to focus on letting go.
I didn't mean the dating part, Wii. I just meant that it isn't like I just got the bomb. These emotions/fears/whatever have been hanging around for years. I just haven't processed them well.
Hence the Dan detox and Journey from Abandonment to Healing. I am tired of repeating unhealthy patterns whether it be eating crap, inconsistent workouts, being late to work, or continuing to ride the Dan rollercoaster.
Trying to make improvements in all areas this summer so I can emerge healthier and stronger than ever...
BBj, just got the book in the mail. Are you ready to go to the Annual Abandonment Day Parade with me? WTH is that! It's sounds nuttier that the stuff I write and she got paid for that chapter! OK, I'm sure the rest will be more reassuring.
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