Divorce in 1 month Help with exposing please need

[Allen A]

Lots of samples of your thoughts being expressed are on this site :

Make sure she owns the divorce 100%. maintain that you don't want a divorce and don't want to break up a home.. its all hers.

Make sure everyone in the room knows she's cheating on you and has been for some time. It's an excellent opportunity for exposure. Do it with maturity, but don't keep her secrets for her either... tell the truth.

No cursing!

make sure your wife's chioces are heard as

a. Repair the marriage
b. Destroy the marriage

It's NOT a choice between YOu and OM, its the marriage or a divorce.

[twolf]

Well had mediation.

Told Stbxw she is 100% responsible for the breakdown of our marrige and the fact that our son will grow up in a broken hame and i still belive in our marrige.That it could be saved and she needs to drop the O/M for this to happen.

Stbxw told the mediator that i just dont get it that the marrige is over and belives after we divorce that i would never let it go.After that she would not talk to me and only wanted to tell mediator what she wants and said she would not talk directly to me.She would not even look at me. She had glossy look and her face made no expressions.
Mediator asked her wy cant you talk to him she said she was mad at me.

Something came up about wy i deserved to have 50% custody and i started to explain all we went through with sons birth and how ive allways been their for him.Then STBXW wife starts ranting and raving about that im just trying to make her feel guilty for leaving.She told him that she did not want anything brought up about the past and we should just stick with parenting plan.The mediator then sayed we should not talk about the past only what we are doing today.

We have to go back next tuesday to stamp out the other stuff that we could not aggre upon.


A hour after we left the STBXW called and started talking "dont you get it i would of ended up becoming up unhappy if i would of stayed.My life would of been better if my parents would of divorced when i was younger, and this is the best for our son in the long run.
I told her that she is 100% responsible for this and i will allways know that i tryed 100% to save the marrige and some day when our son asks me i will tell him the truth.

She started telling me that she was mad at me for exposing the A and that everyone thinks im crazy and that i should move on.She said she never started dating the O/M till after the seperation started. Then she told me that they are really not dating all that much that she really does not want any relationship.I told her i know thats a lie.Then she started complaing that you have your version and i have mine.
Then she started saying that anyone that knows her knows what the truth is.


Then she started complaing that if we dont get the mediation done that the judge in divorce court will have to decide what will be the finale say.I said no problem then we could get every thing out on the table and we will be under oath and on record and that i have nothing to hide.
Then she hung up on me.

Then a hour later she texted to let me know that she had a blown tire on the freeway on her way home.I told her to call AAA. Then she texted back to let me know that they came and she was back on the road, I told her to let me know when she made it home and she said ok, never herd from her after that.

I think she has so much guilt right now she is trying to justafi what she has done to our family.

Any opinions

[Allen A]

Yup.. Let the guilt eat her alive TWolf..

LET THE GUILT EAT HER ALIVE

Don't soften on her, even when she tries to warm up to you to get the mediation in her favour.. roll the dice and take it to court.. she clearly doens't want that...

Fight for your son and your marriage all the way...

When you hold her responsible I hope you are accknowleding mistakes YOU made PRE-AFFAIR that led to the marriage breakdown.

Make sure when you hold her accountable its for hte divorce, NOT for the marriage breakdown.. THAT you are BOTH accountable to.

The difference here is when the marriage broke DOWN you ROSE to the occastion and fought for your marriage while she RAN like a RABBIT for another man... tHAT is the difference

You both did damage to your marriage, but YOU didn't run like a coward when things got ugly, you stayed the course...

You DO need to take ownership of the mistakes you made LEADING to the affair, but do NOT tell her you are any way responsbile for her affair... SHE OWNS THAT and OM TOOK ADVANTAGE...focus on other man taking advantage of her when the marriage got into trobule... it gives her some breathing room

Well done so far TWolf, keep it up... Don't back down

[Allen A]

I am hoping your BIL or someone will confront OM and tell him about the damage he's doing and to get lost...

If YOU stay the course and thigns get painful your wife may break down and have doubts especially if OM backs off to avoid looking like a creep (a little late I know, but he's gonna try)

[twolf]

Allen.... i dont think their is more that i could do the dviorce will be finale next wensday on the 16th.

I know that the guilt is eating her away. she couldnt even look at me,the the phone call after mediation trying to explain her self and her acctions says it all.

[Allen A]

Keep pushing her TWolf, you can see your strategy is working right?

Even if the papers get finalized don't stop.. Keep maintaining she's harming her son and her family...

You are doing the right thing by exposing and speaking up for your marriage, don't be ashamed of it at all... speak up proudly and don't let what she's doing discourage you

[twolf]

Allen.... when i was in mediation i looked at her and i dont know man their was some thing about her that i didnt find appealing anymore.

I couldn't putt my finger on it.

I dont know if its because i finally became detached or what.

[Allen A]

That may be it.. this happens... This is the BS your wife is talking about.. it does NOT mean you fold your hand. It means you can actaully fight the affair objectively now...

[twolf]

Allen... you know whats funny both my MIL and her mom and Wifes real dad mother,they all divorced and remarried their first husbands.
Even the sFIL divorced and remarried his first wife.

Its like my stbxw is keeping up with a family tradion.

I read in a book that their is a script in these type of familys.
That they have to divorce you to find out they really wanted you in the first place. The book was break up to make up.

Butt im not going to wait, i know it will take some time to heal butt i know i tryed every thing i could and i feel good about my self.

Twolf...a thousand mile journey begins with one single foot step!

[Allen A]

TWolf that's part of it yes.. and you will find genetic patterns happen... if the spouse is having an affair its more likley that their gender parent did the same thing... in your case your mother in law may have strayed or considred it or was at least wayward at some point.

your actions now will be with you, your son, and your wife twenty YEARS from now. You can look at your son in twenty years and tell him

"I fought hard for your mother and you, to keep us all together... I fought like the devil... You meant the world to me and you still do..."

YOu CAN tell him that in 20 years becuase you ARE doing that... we build a history here for ourselves.. its essential that we build a history we can be PROUD of in the years to come.. and your wife's building a very ugly history she will be ashamed of in twenty years... she has a chance to fix that still.. and you are sending that message to her loud and clear that you want this.. that's important and i can assure you she's hearing you.. if you can sense the guilt then its really building up in her now... she was likley hiding it well before but its goign to eat her up over time TWolf it really does.. keep up the fight ...

It's a shame you werne't fighting this whole time, just got some bad advice somewehre, but you are on the right road now.. lets see what comes of it ok?

Keep up the fight.