I think it's OK to let go

[TimeHeals]

Journaling:

Reincarnation in one's own lifetime feels like it is happening again.

Looking back, I'd be lying if I said that I didn't have hopes that things would turn out differently than they have, and that I didn't know I had my own changes to make and was willing to make them.

But I didn't wind up where I am now because it was everything I wanted or because I was the only one who needed to change.

I can seriously, however, say that I am happier with who I've become and who I am becoming having gone through this.

[TimeHeals]

Journaling:

Time to get to work soon. Finished the morning dog walk around 7:30am. The dogs are liking the new routine, but the oldest dog is still missing W, I can tell. He was bonded very deeply it seems, but he gets me up early and is excited now in the mornings because he knows it's time to walk, so he's going to be OK.

[whiskey.tango]

Sounds like he's getting used to the new routine. My animals were my sanity during my S and D.

Take care,
WT

[TimeHeals]

Journaling:

L called, and the revised dissolution agreement arrived, so I will sign that tomorrow.

[TimeHeals]

Journaling: I guess I need to do some maintenance on the alt and defriend some folks just for healthy reasons.

I saw this AM that W's cousin had posted the following:

"I believe everything happens for a reasons.... Sometimes things fall apart so that better things can fall together".

W commented on that status with "AMEN cuz", and the irony is that is a paraphrase of a Marilyn Monroe quote (and we all know what an expert MM was in Rs and taking personal responsibility in them--wink, wink).

It didn't really bother me to see that, but it sort of did reaffirm what I already suspected about her unwillingness to see her own role in things and accept personal responsibility for her own actions.

It also drove home just how desperate and successfull waywards are in finding people to validate and support the complete abdication of personal responsibility.

Nothing much more to say.

Time to walk the dogs.

[TimeHeals]

Journaling:

Dissolution Agreement signed, notarized, "Houston, we have a contract".

D should be final by late July/early August.

[timehealsall]

HUGSSSSSS!

[TimeHeals]

Journaling:

I feel like my story has become kind of boring by the forum standards. There's no more soap opera, no more self-pity.

What I do have is a boat load of to-dos that I need to attack:

1. Exteriot paint for the house (need to find painters).
2. Either refinish or replace front door.
3. Basically, home maintenance is what is nagging at me right now, so I have to deal with that.

The rest is just ordinary daily stuff that keeps me busy: work, house cleaning & such, giving the dogs baths (walking them, time for heart worm medication), and so on.

Thinking of taking a crack and quitting smoking again now that thing have settled down, and the "emotional roller coaster" is more of a kiddie ride whenever I find myself on it (which is more and more rarely).

[TimeHeals]

Journaling:

Reading your posts in between work meetings.

Reading about folks getting served and still holding out hope. Must be really tough when you have kids.

I know that just watching my oldest dog when he still (almost a month later) waits for W at night makes me sad for him sometimes.

For me, I have just had to accept what is happening. Believe me, I had all of those discussions: end EA or move out; I want to work on this M, but I will not do it alone; etc.

All for naught. My W was in a hurry to file once she moved out, and fighting what she presented (she wants nothing) could only wind up costing us both lots of money.

So my L says late July/early August D will be final, but I can't remarry by TN law until September

[TimeHeals]

Journaling:

I feel really, really good right now. I have been getting up very early (well, the dogs wake me early every day), drinking a cup of coffee, feeding the dogs, and then taking them for a two mile walk every morning.

Energy levels are up. House is getting cleaner and more orderly. I need to hire some painters, and now I have the money to do things that I wouldn't have had if weren't technically single

I was taking stock of my life today:

1. I will be 45, single.
2. Getting back into shape after a couple of years where I let that slide.
3. I am not poor, and I enjoy all kinds of things and activities.

Things to work on: networking related stuff. I need to establish a peer group here locally, and then the rest is cake.

I don't mind the solitude one little bit though. It has actually been nice, and this board and phone calls to distant friends has been a good substitute for a social life while I was getting to this emotional state.

Man, I am 45, single, no kids, not poor, don't drink, etc.

If I just get the networking thing down in time, this is going to be great.