The Good Soil Of Love

[Concerned_Listener]

Matilda,
I continue to read "Boundaries in Marriage" by Henry Cloud. He describes many of the marriages on this board, and gives permission to continue to work with a marriage, even when there are serious problems, or the spouse is difficult to work with. I've learned the importance of speaking-up around difficult topics, and that I have the freedom to respond when my W behaves poorly or is acting selfishly (not too much lately). My W wanted to quit the Hustle performance team. I told her that it wasn't fair to me ask me to commit to a team, and have her abruptly quit midstream. That comment got her attention, as she values my partnership, and wants to keep me happy as a dance partner. She retracted her statement.

I agreed to join a health facility that is twice as much as the one we belong to now, but is less than ten minutes where we live. My W seems motivated to work on her health and fitness, and would like me to partner with her. The primary incentive for her is the pool. It's a monthly commitment, so if the membership becomes inactive, I will address it with her at that time. I want to give her the opportunity to work on her health in a place she is comfortable in. The members there are mostly middle-age to older, as it's affiliated with a hospital, so it's a better fit for us than a family-oriented or high performance oriented place.

We continue to work on our Tango performance. The teacher told me that I dance too "small" and need to have a better frame and expand my body. He told my W that she is too scattered and needs to work on tone (consistent attention to the body). My W has a good rapport with this teacher, so listens to his feedback.

My W will become unemployed starting in July. She still has the cooking part-time job. There will be enough to pay the bills, but disposable income will be a problem. We haven't discussed a budget yet. I've decided to not dwell on it, or allow the stress to infiltrate the M. As long as she's looking for work, we'll manage the money as best we can, until she brings in some additional income.

CL