Need a Plan for My Marriage

[LSG]

I am absolutely tired today. I did go to bed early last night. I need more sleep. She was watching TV with the door when I went bed. I just fell asleep, and I did not even say good night.

It was nice to sleep, but I could use so much more. I don't why I feel like this lately.

[LSG]

Today was a busy day with meeting with my attorney. We finished my response, and I will file it tomorrow with the court. I believe what I am asking for is fair, and it does not go after her in a ruthless way.

I hope to hear back on the position that I applied for tomorrow about whether or not I will get it.

Tonight W came home, and the kids wanted pizza, so I decided to take them for pizza tonight. It was going well with no communication between W and I at all. W said she would buy the kids something at the store. I find that she is using our credit cards alot, and she has them all maxed out. This is after she said that paying the bills is no big deal. She did not mention that budgeting seems to be very hard for her. I always made it work. I guess I don't know what I am doing if I have money left over. Maybe that is what she means. I don't know. Anyways, she had to borrow some money from me. She said, "I will pay you back." I told her this is crazy. You want to borrow money from me. She asked if any of the cards work, and I told her I don't use them. She was so mad about having to borrow money from me. She would not let me help her carry or put the items in the car. I just said okay.

She comes home and instantly goes to the bathroom to text OM. I find it so hilarious that she can't do anything without him. She is so dependent on him for everything. I am glad I have become more independent, and I count on myself more than ever. I don't need another person to validate me the way she does. It is so sad that she needs that from another person.

I am glad that I have become more independent and confident in myself and what I can do.

She seems sad, angry, and just plain miserable. I have not seen anybody so unhappy.

She will be more unhappy in a couple of days I bet after I serve her the response. I will have to be on the defensive for her response. I will go on to fight for custody of my kids.

She has taken all the money, except the money from my temporary position, and cheated on me, lied to me, and treated me poorly, but I am becoming stronger everyday.

I just do not want to be with this person anymore. She is so vindictive and not worth my time I have given to this relationship.

I told her the other night I am done, and I mean it.

[idontunderstand]

LSG,

You sound very strong and confident. Good for you!

I hate the fact that we have to go through all of this stuff before we realize how strong we really are. Not so long ago, it felt like you were going to die. I remember that feeling well. Still have it from time to time, but, like you, I know I will be okay and will do everything in my power to protect my kids and help them through whatever may happen.

I am confident that one of the jobs will work out for you. If I can feel your confidence just reading your words, I'm sure the interviewer was even more impressed. Good luck!

[LSG]

IDU,

I still have time where I feel like I am going to die. I still would like to "save my marriage." There is so much of this process that still hurts me to the core, but I have to be strong and confident for me and the kids.

I do hope that one of the jobs will come through for me, and I hope I will find out today.

Thanks for the compliments about my showing confidence in my writing, and I hope that you are right about the interviews. I want one of these jobs so badly.

I will let you know when I find out.

Thanks for following my thread. I really appreciate your support.

[LSG]

It was very stressful day today. I filed my response and mailed it according California law. I also will serve her with an Order to Show Cause (OSC) through the Sheriff's Office. It will be to our residence. I could have chose her work or anywhere, but I thought that it would be over the top to serve her at work. If there was ever a chance for us, slim as it may be, I did not want to ruin it forever. It just seemed the wrong thing to do. I need to do the right thing for me. I do worry about the kids in this situation.

I am happy to have my paperwork done. Now we have mediation and a hearing in August. It is heading in the wrong direction from the time I joined this forum. I am sad because the M is ending I have never wanted that, and I still don't. I had no choice but to respond to her and protect myself and the kids.

One of the positions that I interviewed for at her company, chose another candidate. I am disappointed, but there is still a chance with the other one. The recruiter says we are getting closer. I sure hope so. Close is not enough. I want a job and now. Oh well, I will just have to wait until Monday to find out on the other one. The hiring manager is on a business trip. I just hate the waiting and hoping. I will keep my hope alive.

Some setbacks today, but I have to be positive.

[LSG]

Tonight W and I fought over taking care of son after I brought him home from a scooter ride. He skinned his knee. I wanted to shower him, and he was worried about the water hurting his cut.

W comes in thinking she will take care of him when I was doing fine. He became more worried with her there than when I was talking to him. She told me not to tell her what to do, and I said you bet I will.

I told her to leave and let me take care of son. Once she left, he let me shower him, and he had a great time. She just makes things worse for him and me. She tells me mothers know best. I thought to myself if you were a good mother that might be true. She is not a terrible mother, but she has put herself first for so long that she does not know what the kids need the way I do. Mother or Father does not matter if you don't know your own kids. I did not back down, and I won't.

Daughter asked which one would you choose daddy or the TV. She said, "there is no comparison." I knew what she meant. I don't care too much.

She will be served tomorrow the response tomorrow, and the motions by Sheriff to our home in week or two. I almost thought about sending it to her work, and I still may do that. Is that too much to do. I know I should not, but she just irritated me so bad tonight.

[LSG]

I just hated this week to respond to W's petition and file myself, but I was given no choice by her. I have to take care of me and the kids. It was my only option or to default which was not a choice for me.

[Onthemountaintop]

I have to take care of me and the kids.

You are going through a really rough time, there is no doubt. You have been able to make some 180s, others not. You have given her some space, but have also made your criticisms known.

We marry for better or worse, you are at the wors(t). Doing the petition though is not about your kids. It is about you. The two of you are married, and together you share children. She isn't divorcing them. Neither are you.

Why am I saying this...? I don't what you to feel depressed or criticised. I do want you to remember that your children are hurting. They want you both, not just one. The petition and her divorce filing isn't about them. If it were, they would be deciding on the terms that apply to them.

It is about you two and who will be the "better" or more in control parent after a likely divorce. Regardless of what happens, resentment feeds many emotional diseases for adults and for kids.

Get the ICs that are subsidized by the gov't or social services worked out for your kids and yourself. Deal with the anger. You seem to have a lot of anger. I don't blame you - your wife has really hurt you. Being angry is natural. But eventually, then anger needs to be replaced in order for everyone to be happy.

I hope you sleep well LSG.

[LSG]

OTMT,

The divorce petition is not about them, and you are right. It does affect them, and I need to minimize the effect that it does have on them.

I am angry at the moment that she is still having an A and putting her A before the me and the kids. I believe I am the better parent because I have not allowed to have someone put before my M and my kids the way she has.

I do not have as much anger as you think. I do have some anger and that is healthy and positive if focused in the right way, and I believe it is. I am doing what is best for me and the kids.

I have to focus on me and them. I express all my emotions here to vent and let them out.

I do understand your points and some are very true, but the emotions that I show here do not define every part of me when I am not letting them out on this forum.

I always appreciate your support and your suggestions for improving myself.

[DaddyLongShanks]

Tonight W and I fought over taking care of son after I brought him home from a scooter ride. He skinned his knee. I wanted to shower him, and he was worried about the water hurting his cut.

W comes in thinking she will take care of him when I was doing fine. He became more worried with her there than when I was talking to him. She told me not to tell her what to do, and I said you bet I will.

I told her to leave and let me take care of son. Once she left, he let me shower him, and he had a great time. She just makes things worse for him and me. She tells me mothers know best. I thought to myself if you were a good mother that might be true. She is not a terrible mother, but she has put herself first for so long that she does not know what the kids need the way I do. Mother or Father does not matter if you don't know your own kids. I did not back down, and I won't.

Daughter asked which one would you choose daddy or the TV. She said, "there is no comparison." I knew what she meant. I don't care too much.

She will be served tomorrow the response tomorrow, and the motions by Sheriff to our home in week or two. I almost thought about sending it to her work, and I still may do that. Is that too much to do. I know I should not, but she just irritated me so bad tonight.

If her work knows about the affair, it may not be a bad thing to serve it at work. It'll give them something to talk about.