success stories? saved marriages?

[Coach]

So, it's not surprising to see how confused posters can become when they are told by some of their fellow posters that Divorcebusting is more about "GAL" than "SAVING."

Really? Since when?

The techniques here on DB are not unique to MWD. The ideas here are from psychology, philosophy, religion, co-dependent/Al-Anon, military, business, sports, coaching and self-help literature. I know because I have a whole wing of books on self-improvement, it's one reason why DB clicked with me. So the GAL, goals, 180s, act as if, detach all made sense to me.

What I learned here was how to really listen and be aware (still learning), set boundaries (both ways - hers and mine), love her the way she feels loved (true giving), and not worry about how she felt (avoiding her hearing bad or upsetting news from me).

I learned how to be a "Cat Whisperer." Men are dogs, easy to figure out - play, hunt, eat, sleep and pet with me. Cats are harder to figure especially if you treat them like a dog and expect them to react like a dog. Call the cat for a walk, what does it do? Ever pet the cat and been bitten? The cat will come to you for all it wants. How do you make that happen? You treat the cat like a cat, give the cat what she wants, let the cat come to you (don't chase cats), learn how to talk to the cat, learn what the cat is really saying (meow hungry, meow pet me or meow I want to go out? ).

This is from the Dog Whisperer show:
ladies this will work for you, guys substitute cat for dog.

We tend to forget that human beings created dog breeds. From the first wolves and “proto-dogs,” humans selected certain dogs for special traits and physical features and manipulated their genetics so they would fulfill specific needs that we had. In my opinion, most dogs, even mixed breeds, still have that genetic disposition, that “cultural background” that gives them skills that allow them to accomplish things that actually go beyond just being an “average” dog.

For a beagle like “Snoopy the Sniffer,” it’s in his DNA to know when he smells something; he must track it down, and then howl. When the dog in him doesn’t have enough activity to be fulfilled, the breed in him takes over. In a beagle, that frustration comes out in an excessive amount of howling and sniffing.

It’s important to remember that all dogs are “animal” first, “dog” second, and “breed” third. Even though the breed in them has certain needs and tendencies, if you fulfill the animal and dog first, through exercise, then discipline, and then affection, you can avoid a frustrated dog’s genetic tendencies from going over the top and driving you crazy.

Snoopy needs what Snoopy needs, you can't change that, it is who Snoopy is. Do you love Snoopy enough to help him be fufilled?

We are human first (Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs), Male/Female second (His Needs/Her Needs) and breed third (our authentic self).
Learn who you are (know thyself- save yourself), learn who your spouse is and how you can support them to be fufilled. Learn how to articulate your specific "breed" needs to your spouse. Embrace the differences (IMO alot of people are afraid of the differences, fear it will cause you to grow apart), do what works and keep growing.

Cheers

ps Ladies even though we "know" not to chase cats it's in our DNA. In the immortal words of George Clinton, "Why must I be like that, why must I chase the cat? Nothing but the dog in me. Bow-wow-wow, yippe-oh yippe yeah."

I love being a dog.

Double Cheers