success stories? saved marriages?

[Greek]

Coach became the better choice between a life as a single mother or a happily wedded wife when I began to observe strong changes in him. He began "handling" things. I observed him dealing with the kids w/o my help or intercession. He dealt with the house by himself b/c I wasn't there to do it. He moved furniture, planted flowers - he had a life - without me - and he was handling it. Who knew?! At first I was p!ssed. "Why NOW? Why not for the last 19 years!" But then when I had to see him, and he looked sooo good, and smelled so wonderful, and made eye contact, and really listened to me...the walls began to crumble a little, enough, for me to begin to believe again that maybe...just maybe. And the rest is history being written.Greek

This is the type of info WE need you to elaborate on.....Give us details on your POV of OLD COACH/NEW COACH.

Let me gather some thoughts on this so I can give a clear answer, and one that is respectful of Coach, as well.
Cheers ~
Greek

Big rock - Coach stopped needing me for his sake and wanting me b/c of who I am. At one point I told him (probably at max volume) that when God was imagining me, he probably wasn't thinking "Hey, let me make this great wife for Coach!" He created me to be me - not someone's wife. Coach understood that eventually and began to see me differently, more authentically. This was a big deal to me.

Another big rock - Coach started taking care of himself inside and out for his own sake, b/c it was good for him. He had "snakes" (those of you who have read Coach's threads know about his 'snakes on the brain'). The thing about our personal snakes is that they actually impact those closest to us, as well. I was being...bitten by his snakes. When he began to deal with those issues, it felt emotionally safer to be with him.

Another big rock - Coach began insisting on better behavior from me and he lead on this. As an example, I never knew I was mind reading but I did it a lot. Well, he began calling me out on it. Once I realized what I was doing and the damage it causes, I stopped. And I felt a lot of respect for him holding his hand up to me and telling me what's what.

The little rocks - well, those would be the events, conversations, knock down drag outs, mistakes, make ups and make outs, dinners, lunches, word choices, looks - that put all of the big rocks in place. I won't share the jagged little rocks out of respect for both Coach and myself. But I will share one story that I think puts it all into perspective - at least for me. In former times, it would not be unusual for Coach to overlook introducing me at his business functions and events. I had been patient with that, trying to be a good sport but yeah, after nearly two decades of feeling overlooked, it was a problem. I believed it was a demonstration of how invisible I was to him. When I left him, it was one of the many things on my list of "why I'm done". He heard me and this is how he showed me. While we were separated, I had to attend a parent meeting for our son's high school lacrosse team, and Coach was running the meeting (he was the head coach of the team). In his opening remarks to the parents, he introduced his coaching staff and then...he pointed me out in the room as the reason he is such an excellent coach, b/c he had been mentored by the best teacher he's ever known - and he didn't say "my wife" but used my name. I don't know if my heart grew at that moment or melted or what...but I knew I had been SEEN by him. It was a golden moment.

Getting back together was SCARY, y'all! But I believed I had seen enough change - in both of us - that it was worth really trying one more time. Neither one of us wanted that old, sorry marriage we'd had. We both were committed to something different and better. That's what we work on everyday. It ain't for wimps

Hope this helps someone...anyone.

Greek