Bomb was dropped in Aug when I found "love emails" and he admitted to EA. Claimed he was in love and wanted a divorce. I posted awhile on the new comers area and got good advice. I've been DBing my heart out since. We've come a long way; from him saying absolutely getting a D in Sept, to "I love you and miss you" Xmas day, but we seem to have stalled out. His OW is very manipulative and has done some serious "push-pull" and other head games. She has already gotten her D and desperately(it seems) trying to hang on to her 20 yr older VP of the company, my husband, constantly stroking his ego etc. Now he is at the point of feeling like he is in the middle of us and "can't choose". I'm doing a delicate dance of just enough contact, but trying not to allow "cake eating". Background: A now 33, 32 when bomb, yr marriage that everyone that knew us considered enviable(one reason she went after him). Extreme stress from a mentally ill child(now 20), his work, and other economic factors with the downturn in economy. MLC was pretty subtle, or maybe I was too involved w/ MI child to see it, until winter '09; I think it was around awhile looking back on his obsession with weight loss other indicators. He had been the guy everyone admired as high integrity, honest to a fault, family man devoted to his wife.I asked him to move out in Sept '09 and he eventually moved in with her for awhile. He moved out after a couple of months (to a male friends) and remains there. What I need advice on is how to get him over this hump. He keeps taking tiny baby steps, but cannot seem to give up OW. He has been in counseling, but says it is not helping. I suggested a new IC, recommended by mine, which he asked for, but don't think he has contacted them. Since the tide started to turn in Dec he has begun traveling almost every week. Most friends feel it is escape and he really doesn't need to travel for work that much. He recently asked me out for dinner for our anniversary, and I'm sitting here looking at flowers he sent for my birthday with a card signed "Love" his name.He is out of the country. I also know he is still spending the night with her from time to time, and still tells me he loves her. My IC says he'll do this as long as I allow it; that I need to shake him up, but she's not really a DB person, although she has been supportive of my efforts and amazed at his turn around at this point. I'll stop rambling and ask for input.
