Is he (alone) going to tell the kids? I would suggest you be there, just so you have clarity as to what is said. Up to the both of you and given the older kids ages, may not really be necessary with them. I would want to be though.
I would caution you about telling his "true behaviors" in the event it is said that the decision is joint. The most I would say, is something along the lines of "there are two sides to every story." I would really minimize what you share with family (esp) and friends regarding this.
The kids may or may not want to talk about it. Do not demonize him. As much as you can, just listen to how they feel about it. Even with grown kids, it's hard on them.
IMO it's best to stay away from R/M convos esp for now and DO NOT ask any questions you don't want to the answer to.
It feels like such a long slow process and it does take time. More time than you would like.
Like Cat, I know that I (and many here) have been at that place of depair. She's right that you just force yourself to do. Somedays that may just be getting out of bed. It does get better.
