This morning I met with my L and signed the papers to file for a D.
It's a relief.
The process has now officially begun and the clock is ticking on the courts mandated timeline.
Mrs. T was never going to file. She has too much invested in continuing to blame and project at me, while continuing to have me support her. -- No more.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
Spent the weekend in Germany hanging out with old friends. Most of them were friends of ours as a married couple, and strongly friends of Mrs. T's. I was a bit apprehensive that I could lose this group in the D, but nope, that's not happening.
It seems that when they figured out what she was doing (a while ago), they tried to talk her out of it. When they did so, she dropped contact with them. As most of them have themselves also (in the past) gone through a crazy divorce, they are completely able to understand what's going on.
It was a great, open weekend full of support, relaxation and good German beer.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
Glad that you had a good weekend but sorry that you had to be the one to file. I suspect that when the year long physical separation in my sitch expires later this year, I will likely be the one to file as well. But I suspect that you and the kids deserve closure on this - just as my kids and I do.
But you have put the effort into trying to make things right. In the future, you can look your kids in the eyes and say with all sincerity that you did all you could. I seriously doubt your W could say that and mean it from the heart.
BTW - which part of Germany are you in now?
Me 52, STBEX 52 D 17, S 12 M 20 years Em Sep since 2002, Phys Sep Sept 2009
On my way home from the big beer drinking city in the south of Germany. It's good to be going home to see the boys.
While I was there stbxw sent me a proposal for a 2 week rotating 50/50 parenting schedule that she wants to try out starting as soon as I get back. In her words, this is a proposal that is "reasonable" - unlike those "ridiculous" ones that I want - funny thing is that it is EXACTLY like one of the schedules I proposed
She also worded the proposal with a bunch of demands and things she refuses to do to support me on the days that are mine - except that everything which she is "demanding" is stuff which I planned on doing anyway. They are just normal things like "if it's your day, then YOU are responsible for feeding them" - no! Really?? . Basically she is rudely demanding that I accept exactly the agreement that I would have proposed.
So...I accept.
Part of me is just wondering what she is up to.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
So word has been getting around about our D, and my STBXW heard of a neighbor of ours gossiping about it and is now (rightfully so) worried about our kids hearing about the D first from someone other than us.
So now she wants to tell them -- as soon as possible.
Tomorrow.
I'm hesitant.
So far we have not settled anything about the D. We will have NO answers for the kids on any of the questions that will be important to them: where are we going to live, when, etc.
I have also been contemplating how and what we are going to tell them. I really do think that she should own it, but I know that she won't and never will. She's not capable of taking responsibility. I'm not trying to DB or get her to look at herself and change any more. I just want out in the way that causes the least damage to my kids.
Also, it's not true that she is the one who wants the D right now. I also want it, for my own sake. Anything other than "We have just decided that..." will just result in us fighting over the issues of the past, but this time in front of the kids.
I don't want to expose them to the adult issues any more than I have to...
So "we have decided that..." it is.
Any suggestions from those of you who have been there?
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
