The journey begins

[ClingingToHope]

Another up-and-down day. Really rolling at work this week. Getting lots of stuff done. Hitting the final stretch of a project I've been working on for about a year.

Part of the reason I'm motivated is that I'm on vacation next week -- so I HAVE to get a bunch of stuff done.

Still, it was nice to feel some fire again.

A couple of things knocked me back for a moment.

The Realtor texted me -- she must have gotten the message that I do not want to actually see or talk to her. She's leaving papers for me to sign at front desk.

I'll do that today. It's going to hurt like hell going over there and seeing the "For Sale" sign up. Just another symbol of the ending of the M. I put a lot into that house.

I'm very conflicted on the house. The property is great. It's the only home the girls have ever known. There's a creek running through the back. It's on a double lot. It is just beautiful in the summertime. STBXW and I spent 12 of our 13 years together there and were together in every room.

So I hate the fact the girls will have to leave. But there's no way I want STBXW to stay in it and someday have another man there.

It also isn't going to sell at the price it's being listed. It'll have to be a short sale and the company that has our mortgage (GMAC) is notoriously difficult to work with.

So this is going to hang around STBXW's neck for a while -- which I like. She'll feel the consequences. But it also keeps me financially linked to her for longer -- which I don't like.

See. I'm a mess when it comes to the house.

I picked up the girls after work for my Wednesday night. I was hoping to sneak out without seeing STBXW but it didn't work that way. I still am not able to act natural or "as if" around her. I'm sure the girls notice. They notice everything and I need to improve. I still have anger issues. I hope it fades when the actual divorce is done.

After getting the girls, we packed in a trip for ice cream, swimming and a walk to the park in to see a water-skiing company.

If this is my life. It's a pretty good one. One that will keep getting better, even it will be more difficult.

Final note. The 31-year-old I'd like to get to know better responded to my email after a one day delay. It was longer, jokier and she asked questions back.

I waited until tonight to respond. I don't want to seem too eager -- plus I'm not to the point where I've sorted through all the STBXW issues. I guess I'm trying to build a friendship first and then -- once the D is done -- see if there's something more.

I felt like a high school kid writing a note in class though. It was a good feeling.