I agree with CW. If you continue to take the high road, at some point your H is going to look around and realize that no one is listening to his whining any more. Friends and family generally have a short attention span when it comes to this kind of drama. They want resolution. It won't be long before your H's friends will grow tired of hearing about his drama.
In my sitch, my XH told everyone that he left me because I worked too much. Well I did, I wasn't happy about it, but I did because I didn't have any choice (long story). My H whined about my work schedule but NEVER, EVER told me he was concerned that it was putting a wedge between us and could jeopardize our M. In his Adult Child of an Alcoholics brain he expected me to be able to read his mind. (Ughhhhh!!!!!!). Long story short, in a true miracle----an answer to prayer----3 months after my H dropped the bomb I was offered a very good full-time job, working almost 1/2 the hours and making ~70% more $$$. Two months later I accepted the job (big 180 for me). This meant that 5 months after H dropped the bomb, news started getting around that I had addressed H's reason for leaving in a very big way............and guess what? He had painted himself into such a corner that he proceeded with the D (no ow in my sitch).
I'd say that this demonstrated that my H didn't leave because of the reason he gave (my work schedule). That was just a smoke screen. My XH has inner demons from a childhood with an alcoholic mother..... but this turn of events made it obvious to everyone who knew the details, that my H's decision was not so rational after all. I continued to focus on "doing the right thing" and conducting myself with integrity. That goal became my North Star and guiding principle. When his mother (she has Alzheimers Disease) was moved out of her home I began visiting her with my faithful kitty cat every 2-3 weeks. (She had always been very nice to me.) I didn't badmouth my H/XH to any one. If I ever wanted to pass on information to mutual friends about my H, I would couch the information in the form of a question, rather than make a statement. For example, when my former MIL was hospitalized recently, XH's sister texted me to tell me. I replied "Thank you for letting me know. I wonder why XH didn't let me know?" You get your point across without making an accusatory remark. (My sister, a litigator, taught me this little gem. She uses this technique with juries.)
The point I am trying to make with this long post describing my sitch is that if you hold your head high and respond with firm but gentle kindness, those actions will speak louder to everyone around you than any words your H might say. .....and at some point in the future (this is where I am now), you will feel content and proud about the way in which you've conducted yourself.......and maybe, just maybe your H will be able to see the vestiges of a path home to you because you kept the door open, if only just a crack open.
Romans 12:20: "On the contrary: 'If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.'"
Loving detachment is the key.
My best to you,
GAG
Last edited by goodattitudegirl; 06/10/1004:44 AM.
