"i brought my cupcakes in to share with my co-workers. they liked them."
So.. even though you failed.. you still won?
Truth be told I was hoping that you did not bake them and go knocking on his door.
"gotta make $$. even though i manage to get through the first six months without doing much damage to my professional reputation, i feel like i owe it to my employer to do better."
Part of this is preparing for what comes down the road. I don't want you to be a broke squash player. I kinda think that squash is an expensive sport. We don't want to loose the one thing that seems to be filling the void. Work is important. I am glad they still think you are worth it.
"it is for me. however, my big toe is really sore (purple toe nail :(). i may have to take a night off or something. i don't know."
So.. your "hands" hurt?
Do you have the look of pain yet?
"squash gives me plenty of opportunities to do this. people have been very warm and friendly."
I want you seeking out people that are not warm and friendly. It is easy when you are in a "social" setting. I want you interacting with "everyday" people. I want you to do something.. just because you can. I want to show you the difference in your "actions" and your "emotion's".
When you wake up today.. what can you do that is simple.. that will change another person's day?
When you do "whatever".. that person will go to work.. or to their friends.. and say.. guess what happened to me today. They will talk about you.. without ever even knowing your name.
"i still feel a bit of anxiety"
I know. It is hard. I don't expect you to be perfect.
"like i'm running out of time and my anger is still overwhelming."
You are not running out of time. The anger will fade with time. Or it will become overwhelming. Not on the scale you are using now. Anger.. sometimes brings you to a flat place. It still has to "feed" to keep you at the current level. Think caffeine. If you drink the same amount every day.. it keeps you at a normal level. If you drink too much.. it makes you act crazy! If you start drinking water your body goes.. WTF!!.. and encourages you to drink something with caffeine. Time is not a concern here. Your anger is.
"it's best not to talk about it with anybody. that's what triggers it."
I know. That is why I posted the rules.
"shut up. and focus on squash."
The word to define is... "squash".
It can have many meanings.
Keep it up.. even if it is fake.. I like where we are going.
Good Morning.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
