Just Confronted - A Litttle Confused

[twolf]

I had the same problem MIL ans FIL they were nice to me before i exposed then the wife lied her arse off.

If you respected them when your marrige was good.

Just tell them the next time i belive in my marrisge and i belive in my family and you two are still my family.
That ive allways held you two in hi regaurd because i know that you have strong values and moarales and ive allways respected that about you.

I did this to my MIL and FIL and they have not been mean to me or said or mean stuff to me after i busted the Affair.

And let the people know that your MIL texted know that you are fighting for your marrige and they might be miss informed butt do not bash MIL@FIL.
Tell everyone that you respect them and love them.

TWOLf... A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single foot step.....

[Quicksilver264]

Do all their parents 100% support them and tell them that divorce is the BEST option?

Her parents said all that FULLY knowing she had affairs and what she did. Do all the parents say "im surprised it lasted as long as it did"?

[Allen A]

And yes she enjoyed telling you this.. and YOU SAT THERE AND LISTENED TO IT LIKE a SUCKER... we TOLD you NOT to do that QS..I know this hurts, but you got to toughen UP

[twolf]

My MIL was a very controlling women she loved me when we were married and the good time were happening butt the day the wife had doubts she was the first one to say you need to get out.


Her real dad told her she was making a big mistake and she hasent talked to him in six months.

No all parents dont do that just the one with low morale values and dont belive in marrige.


Was her parents ever divorced?

[Allen A]

Some parents do yes, some don't... YOUR JOB is to make sure they have the FACTS and are EDUCATED

The make or break point is YOU QS.... YOU need to speak up and stay calm... and NOT listen to your wife's BULLSHIT... she's got you completley intimidated by her... where'd the guy go we read just two days ago? Where did that QS go?

[Quicksilver264]

Should I call her dad and ask for an HONEST talk - man to man?

Tell him what is on my mind and try to set the record straight?

I talked to her mom who did not seem happy, so I don't want to make things worse.

[Allen A]

You should invite them to a restaurant or something, on you, and you let them know you want to hear what THEY have to say...

Try to focus on the facts, NOT on he said she saids... stay AWAY from that...

Fact : We haven't even explored family therapy yet
Fact : I made a commitment to love your daughter better or worse and I am doing that
Fact : There is a MARRIED MAN threatening our home and your daughter... I am not going to SIT there and let him turn our home upside down like some highschool bully.. I am trying to protect your daughter from this creep

Stuff like that.. it does NOT attack their daughter at all.. see?

It's hard to argue when you put things the way a parent wants to hear them.

[Quicksilver264]

Well here is a summary of last night.

1) I did not OUTWARDLY panic. That was all on here away from her. Sorry bout that, but my emotions went wild internally.

2) She was FURIOUS with me, and her dad 110% supports the divorce. I think her mom does too.

3) She said the EA/cyber affair was NONE OF MY BUSINESS

4) "It happened in MY room within MY PRIVACY. Respect that NOW."

5) "I was going to REALLY give you an honest chance. My hear was searching for affection, and if you had waited and been patient, all that sex chat could have ended up being you"

5a) "You had the better chance of winning me over because you are HERE and we live together. You should have just let me satisfy my needs, and tried to win me over like you said you were. Like I said, eventually IT COULD HAVE BEEN YOU. NOW YOU HAVE NO CHANCE WITH ME. WE ARE DONE FOREVER".

And here is what she says that I think is most important:

6) "I saw myself as divorced in the beginning of May. I just didn't tell you because I didn't want to hurt you. I'm not saying it's right, but that's how I saw it. So when people approached me, I felt good. I wasn't getting anything from you, and in my mind things were OVER".

7) She lied about all the EA/sex chat/pictures to "spare me the pain". But she again reiterated it was NONE of my business that it happened. She thinks of herself as completely single now, and its not OK for me to care what she does.

8) She LIED to her parents faces yesterday about the affairs, EVEN THOUGH THEY ALREADY KNEW, and they still told her to go through with the Divorce.

[Allen A]

You realize that's all bullshit right?

You realize all the contradictions in there? The one statement she says she's done and the marriage was over in my and in the other statement she said if you had just been patient it would have been you and you just had to wait?

So, was she done and over in may or was she just experimenting privately but still fully commited to you and coming back? Which is it?

These are all excuses QS.. its clear as day...

It's all excuses QS...

And no one has a right to privacy if they are going to USE that to SABOTAGE a marriage...

This is akin to habouring criminals... its ILLEGAL

[TimeHeals]

"I was going to REALLY give you an honest chance. My hear was searching for affection, and if you had waited and been patient, all that sex chat could have ended up being you"

It's like exposing an alcoholic: I was going to stop drinking for you, but you needed to be more patient and understanding, and now that you have told everyone, I am going out to buy a full case of Jack Daniels.

See? It's clearly your fault for exposing me?

She LIED to her parents faces yesterday about the affairs, EVEN THOUGH THEY ALREADY KNEW, and they still told her to go through with the Divorce.

The parents just want their child to stop hurting. They are thinking like protective parents, but they aren't doing good parenting because they aren't letting her clean up her own messes and are encouraging her to run away because their hearts are breaking just seeing their child this way. It takes a lot of strength and character as a parent to let your children solve their own problems.

It's understandable, but they aren't setting a very good example of what it takes to take personal responsibility.

My heart goes out to her parents, but unfortunately I disagree with their position: sometimes tough love is the best thing a parent can do.


I'm not trying to be sanctimonious here. Most parents have difficulty with seeing how letting their kids solve some of their own problems can lead their kids to be healthier and happier adults. Most of us, as kids, didn't have good examples of how to deal with our failings and were encouraged, instead, to just give up and try something else.