Wii, I have had a few fleeting moments of clarity from my H that could be called acknowledgement. Once in the car he said he was wrong to blame me for his not going to grad school/vet school, following his dreams, etc. That he knew it was his choice to make and not mine, so he shouldn't have blamed me.
Even when he 'dumped' me again last September, in his email he said I was a wonderful mom and that I had shown him the true meaning of unconditional love and forgiveness, but he just couldn't find that 'spark' anymore that he used to have for me, and I deserved someone whose face lit up when they saw me like his once did...
So I have some acknowledgements, I think it is just one of those things you have to learn to live with. For whatever reasons, valid or invalid, realistic/unrealistic, mature or immature, he decided he didn't want to be married to me anymore. And he will have to own that decision.
My son was talking to me about daddy and I living in different places tonight as he has a friend whose parents divorced. The dad has a new girlfriend. Nathan said he was glad daddy and I didn't have boyfriend/girlfriends. Anyway at some point I said I had made a promise to love daddy forever and I had kept that promise and he pointed out that Dan left so I said, "Yes, daddy broke his promise to stay with me" because I really didn't know what else to say. Anyway he actually said, "But that doesn't mean daddy won't go to heaven, does it?"
Yikes! I just said, "No, daddy moving out doesn't mean he won't go to heaven." That is the last thing Nathan needs to be worried about!
This evening was pretty great. Hung out with the kids, made dinner, then took them to his ball game. Nathan was 2/4 at bat which is not too shabby! Then my parents took us out for Chinese. Good stuff. Tomorrow if the storms don't linger we will go swimming.
Ok time to do some laundry! Funny Dan called to talk to Nathan about his game and I talked for about 45 seconds and passed the phone on to Nathan and then Sydney. I really didn't have any desire to 'connect' like I normally would. I just don't see the point...He didn't want me, so he doesn't get me anymore.
