Yeah it was a though day. Overall if I look at the past 5 weeks of me being dark it only made our R more strained. I realize that I needed to do that, for me...but my screwed up H takes it personally and makes it sound like I'm the one that is unreasonable and that I make it difficult to communicate, he would like to be friendly...I'm the bad one.
I know that I probably appear cold (comparing to how he has known me for years), but that reserved exterior helped me to hold my emotions in.
And me appearing cold brings out the coldness in him...it's very strange...when I'm warm he is warm...
I have been dark for 5 weeks now and it has really deteriorated our R even further....I don't know what to do. Am I strong enough to be his "friend" again?...but modified "friend"...no more cake eating for him...don't know
Twink - I think that I will have a glass or two. Have this nice bottle of red wine that I'll open just for myself. Plans for the weekend hmmm. Tomorrow Rebuilding group meeting, Friday drinks or a movie with a friend, Saturday tennis....that's about it for now.
M&H - I wasn't expecting a ligtbulb moment but if I can see anything positive about that session is that it may make him realize how much damage he did to our R and our family....because it was very obvious today. And this C is good I was seeing her individually and with H before Xmas. I think that she said what she said because she saw the huge difference between how we were then comparing to now. And also H was so persuasive that he is done with me.
ILMN -Thanks for that story, I needed that today...I know that they will eventually break-up...but yeah who knows where I will be by then.
GAG - thank you so much for your touching post and for the nice words. I really, really appreciate that. Thanks for making me feel good about the person I'm, I do tend to doubt myself sometimes when the person whose opinion I valued the most doesn't like anything about me. BTW that's encouraging that your X is warming up to you
SCH & CW - thank you for being here for me
((((group hug))))
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
