If i don't agree to the divorce after last night and the exposure, she is going to think something is up. I thought I am supposed to play poker with her, and she is CONTINUALLY raising the stakes hand by hand.
She is taking CONCRETE steps every day to get herself out of here. It's like she has a definite logical plan to get further away from me every day hour and minute.
She probably has someone advising her on this...
Most definitely. Almost ALWAYS some combination of OM, enabling BF, and an atty (to whom they've typically LIED).
ok pup, so you advocate the "set an example" appraoch right now and to avoid divorce yes? QS wasn't clear on this so I think we should clear it up for him
I'm pro-marriage. I've seen two (and pretty much ONLY two) approaches work, however:
1. yours ("Fight the affair with everything you got")
2. Robx's/Gucci's ("you know what? you're right -- maybe D is for the best")
I've seen hybrids of the two work, but those are the two that see results. BOTH are meant to shock the cheating spouse off-kilter, and force them into crisis.
Well I just found out she has an attorney on retainer. She IS going to file in about 10 days. The attorney wants ALL financial statements.
She has SPECIFICALLY requested she be sent away on business AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE this Summer.
She wants this divorce so bad she can taste it, and she literally wants NOTHING to do with me. Along with separating our finances, this is more than I can take today.
I am hurting so badly right now. It's hard to see ANY hope out of this. The affairs were exposed, I confronted her, hopefully she will have no "extra" attention.
But if she is gone most of the Summer, and works like a dog on getting this divorce, then what hope might there be? I really an surprised at how hard she is working on this divorce.
Last edited by Quicksilver264; 06/10/1002:18 AM.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
I can see how it would seem that way right now. I'm sorry you're hurting.
I'd also point out to you that about 75% of us who have reconciled went thru EXACTLY such a dark, hopeless period. My wife said all those things -- and worse. She said I made her "physically ill." Less than 30 days later, she told me "I've always loved you," and "you're my home!"
Try to hang in there. The courts do NOT move quickly. There's a lot that can still happen, and a lot of cards still left to play.
Please re-read my post to you earlier today about "PATIENCE." I'm seriously concerned you're not going to make it, emotionally, unless and until you begin to grasp this MUCH better.
How much time have you spent reading other people's sitches???
Her parents are 100% supporting her. She talked to her dad face to face tonight, and he said "I am 100% behind you" "I am surprised you didn't do it sooner". And he knew EXACTLY what she did!!!!! She says I lost their support through this, and they are COMPLETELY behind the divorce.
She was FURIOUS i told them, and she said they wouldn't care. She was FURIOUS I confronted the other men.
"You always think of yourself"
"You had no right"
"You lost ANY chance with me"
"You have not changed"
"How dare you make me lose friends"
"You always made me lose friends"
"You and I can NEVER be friends"
"You have no idea what you just did"
"My mom said if you don't respect my privacy, then do something about it"
Oh man. If her parents are behind her after this, I am SCREWED. I talked to her mom tonight, and I knew her mom sounded different like she was disappointed with me. She says her dad will not not talk to me, and does not want to.
Is this it? Is THIS the final nail in the coffin?
Last edited by Quicksilver264; 06/10/1002:53 AM.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
Her parents are 100% supporting her. She talked to her dad face to face tonight, and he said "I am 100% behind you" And he knew EXACTLY what she did!!!!! She says I lost their support through this, and they are COMPLETELY behind the divorce.
I believe they are 100% there for her, but she has a screwed up family if they support cheating. Maybe she's running damage control and gaslighting them?
It's not as risky as doing nothng, IMHO. You want to know why? Because what happens if she comes back and nobody knows and there were no consequences? It will probably keep happening over and over and over.
How many times would you like to go through this?
Last edited by TimeHeals; 06/10/1002:57 AM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
It took us six months a status check from the court.
After wife filed to get a court date because the courts are that backed up with divorces.
The trial date was two more months after that.
Now I can actually se the guilt eating her away.
Stay strong and expose like hell.
I only exposed the Affair one month before the divorce was to be finale and it realy messed things up for them now they cant come out and say suprise we started dating.
Stay strong
Me 37 Waw 32 son2 bomb 8/11/09 O/M 12/25/09 Divorce filed 8/25/09 divorce finale 6/16/10 Divorce putt on hold 6/16/10 Divorce postponed STBXW idea 8/8/10
Nope, she likley lied to them... straighten it out and stand strong...
A lot of people support divorce early on because they simply think it will take the hurt away.
It doesn't.
You just need to talk and get the truth out there. When you tell them you are protecting their daughter and your home and your family it will sound much more sensible than the way she likely presented it...
this is a reverse exposure... you expose so she runs damage control... don't trust her say so... get the truth out there and hold onto your composure here.
