I dunno, I don't like the tone of the chit chat you are having with him... you sound almost supplicating... it may just be my mood today who knows...
You really want to detach here so you can find a way to handle this guy like a parent rather than a partner right now...
When you can stand back with calm, dignified stances and offer reasonable, wise, and forceful facts at him THEN you should chat... until you are OUT of the soap opera emotionally and watching as a parent at a child misbehaving then I don't reccomend you engage him.
Let me show you a different approach :
--------------------
Me: You are the one destroying this family with infielity, lies, and divorce. (no more questions, just facts)
H: Yes.
Me: You are the one who is escaping marital problems by hiding in an affair and threatening to divorce me and my daughter... knowing we still haven’t worked through anything.
H: Yes.
Me: Knowing that lies, infidelity, and divorce destroys any semblance of family, you are still chosing that over your daughter and your marriage.
H: Yes.
Me: I am simply stating the truth. You are the one choosing to destroy our family by your actions. You have not given us effort to make our marriage and family a good one - you are doing DAMAGE to your own wife, home and DAUGHTER. You are choosing to destroy everything we have built for someone who clearly does NOT care about the damage she's doing to your daughter or your marriage. This is the purpose of marital counseling to work through issues and rebuild a family having problems. I am trying to save our family while you are inviting this woman to ATTACK IT. Do you respect me for protecting your daughter or HER for attacking your daughter? I am not attacking YOU, i am asking for YOUR HELP to REMOVE this threat to our marriage so we can have a snowball's chance in hell of repairing it... I want a history our daughter will be PROUD OF and RESPECT us for... do you think 20 years from now your daughter is going to have respect for YOU and what YOU are DOING right now?
H: Yes. But I don’t like the way you say it. Watch the way you say things.
Me: I will NOT watch the way I SAY things...YOU should watch the way you DO things.. YOU should be acting like a HUSBAND and protecting your home, not making excuses for women throwing gasoline on a fire... You should be putting the fire OUT like I am.. You should be ashamed of yourself.. I certainly am... and in 20 years your daughter will be too.
And you walk away calmnly... NEVER yell, never name call.
