Just Confronted - A Litttle Confused

[Allen A]

if you want your marriage you fight for it... she likley thinks she has a place to run to still

Where on earth did someone give advice that to save the marriage you should ASK for a divorce?

[MrBond]

Right now things are running off of sheer emotion. You don't have to do anything to speed along the D if YOU don't want to. You can't stop her from doing anything, but you don't have to.

By you not taking any action towards a D you're already showing her you don't want to D, but you are also showing her that she is fine to do anything she wants to.

Now would probably be the time to go dark.

[Quicksilver264]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2016891#Post2016891

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2017107#Post2017107


These are the two advice from my other topic where I found out my wife was continuing the EA/Cyber affair

[MrBond]

Forgot to mention that you could agree with her, not in terms of the D, but that things aren't working right now in your M and that things have to be done. Then drop the subject.

[Allen A]

I like Bond's suggestion...

I realize right now your emotions are racing 90 clicks an hour QS but you need to slow it down so you can focus... YOur wife FEEDS off YOUR MOODS too... so keep your head focussed ... a WS can SMELL FEAR

[Quicksilver264]

If i don't agree to the divorce after last night and the exposure, she is going to think something is up. I thought I am supposed to play poker with her, and she is CONTINUALLY raising the stakes hand by hand.

She is taking CONCRETE steps every day to get herself out of here. It's like she has a definite logical plan to get further away from me every day hour and minute.

[Allen A]

The push for divorce piece is debatable... If SHE is pushing for it No my advice is to calmly maintain that escaping a marriage does not solve anything...

There are many spouses who just want to run around like teenagers and cheat, but live off YOU in the family home while doing it... THAT is the case where I would push for a divorce... to SCARE THEM and wake them up

If your wife is pushing for a divorce no, I would NOT make an argument about it, but i would maintain that you want to save your marriage and destroying the famliy and the marriage is all OWNED by HER

And walk away before an argument starts

Pup said "tend to agree" on the notes you referenced.. I honeslty think NOW that this will be a hot topic and somewhat debated point...

My suggestion is to go to family therapy on your own to set an example while exposing to everyone... if everyone shames her and wont approve and you have torched her escape routes then she may very likley turn her attitude around

We need a few weeks to see how much damage the exposure has done... not just to OM but exposing to family and friends... I want to see how THEY respond to her NOW that they KNOW

[TimeHeals]

You can always have a consultation with an attorney if that will calm you down. You can provide the basic outline of the situation, tell them you don't want a divorce but think you may have no choice in the matter, and then they can tell you what steps need to be taken and when.

A little knowledge can't hurt things. Right now emotions are high.

[Allen A]

OK, you have 90 days at LEAST to let exposure run its course... You will have to hold tight and ride the roller coaster for that ride ...

Most WS' lose a lot of their confidence to leave once the affair is killed... Lets give this a few days and see how the exposure pans out for her... It's a bit of a waiting game now

[Quicksilver264]

OK gotcha. I am going to be calm cool and collected.

Yeah, I am going to be "The most interesting man in the world"

I am going to talk to three people I've never met tomorrow, I am going to contact an old friend, and I am going to smile and laugh and enjoy myself.

All while her 2 affairs have hopefully abandoned her and she starts spiraling from the exposure