Heartbroken and needing help!

[irishblessings]

H and I actually "talked" a bit. I know I shouldn't have initiated it - but this morning I said "it's been 50 days since you shut down on a good, decent marriage / it wasn't perfect or great - but it was good. In the past we have always "rehashed" our issues - is there a way to forgive and agree to never bring up the past - and move forward. He didn't answer / but later on he said "I feel like I need to tell you that I'm not interested - I don't want my silence to mislead you." Again - he's sick of the whole package and I'm part of the package.
He also said that he doesn't love me the way a husband should love his wife. I asked him if he had cared or loved anyone in his life more than he did me. He said "No probably not" - "but I don't feel that way now." He feels so full of frustration that he might "blow" - this time saying that he could see himself going out "flirting" with someone or doing more.
He has changed "telling the children" dates 2 or 3 times. I asked him why he hadn't gone and he said he couldn't afford it right now. He said he feels like a failure in every aspect of his life and I am associated with all of those things. So - get rid of me / start to succeed???
MC called him to set up appt / he did not answer or reply. He says that I just try to manipulate him and get him to change his mind. It's probably true - but I have tried to ask him if anyone he would talk to about his feelings would encourage him to respond that way he is - and he said "no probably not" / but some might validate his feelings. I acknowledged that I absolutely recognize that this is not a "phase" - that this is pure misery and unhappiness - that's why "life changing" decisions were frightening.
He says that I am making the whole process difficult because I won't just agree to an amicable divorce/separation and that I am going to make life miserable for him the kids, etc. I told him that I knew I couldn't control what he did.
I just don't feel like I can sit our kids down and say that I agree that "unhappiness" or "philosophical differences" are reasons to divorce if one party is willing to do the work. Doesn't that fly in the face of being true to yourself? How do I go dark when son is at home? H has got me so mixed up - and I try so hard to be respectful - but then it causes me to doubt my own sanity - and then I feel like "stop listening to someone with impaired thinking" - but I end up feeling impaired!
Sorry for the crazy talk - I am so sad, hurt, humiliated, scared, angry, numb - I don't feel like I have any outlets!