REASONS TO CONSIDER STAYING HOME ON ALL NATIONAL HOLIDAYS
Memorial Day brought yet another opportunity for my family to gather at father's house for dinner.
Those who were invited: father--host; 15-year-old half-brother--he lives there; former stepsister ("sister" for short); grandmother; boyfriend (invited by association only); Boxer dog; and me
Those who actually attended: father, of course; brother; sister; lunatic uncle (NOT INVITED); Boxer dog; and me. Grandmother and boyfriend blew us off yet again.
Summary of events:
*upon leaving my home, father calls and tells me to drive opposite way across town to pick up brother at baseball practice. He says I have permission to be late if I do this for him. He also says he'll go ahead and peel the potatoes that he was going to have me peel if I do this for him. *upon my arrival at father's, I am commanded to create cheese potatoes. Father points out that he made good on his end of the deal by peeling the potatoes meant for me. He even went a step further and put them in a pot of water. He said the rest was up to me. *I learned that grandmother and boyfriend made other plans and would not be joining us. Lunatic uncle would be. Yikes. *father expressed great dislike for lunatic uncle and the fact that he would be joining us. The words "worthless, no count, son of a [edited for content]" might have been mentioned by father. *sister texted to find out when dinner would be ready. She wasn't finding out so that she wouldn't be late. I know this trick. I've done it before. *sister arrived shortly after texting. She ran out of places to drive around and kill time. *father stayed outside mostly to tend to his grilling. He was preparing 16+ full slabs of ribs, 4 bone-in chicken breasts, and 6 WHOLE Kielbasa sausages, sliced. He WAS aware that only 5 people were eating. *lunatic uncle arrived and created his own fanfare upon entrance. He immediately began rummaging through cabinets, searching for father's hidden brown liquor. He found a bottle under the sink, bemoaned the label, and reluctantly chose to drink from that one. [Father likely has high-dollar brown liquor hidden in toilet tank or in washing machine so that lunatic uncle will not drain the bottle, as he has done before.] *lunatic uncle, with a small audience (but an audience nonetheless), decided to tell interesting and compelling story about riding in a friend's tow truck. [This is when I took a picture with my iPhone to post on the alt.] *overwhelming amount of meat was brought in the house over several trips, and family began to make plates. Lunatic uncle still loudly rambled about all the different vehicles that can be towed by a tow truck. *family settled in at table, and lunatic uncle continued on about his tow truck adventures. He said that his friend, the tow-truck driver, had always "had his eye on me" (lunatic uncle does not know about H and me). *lunatic uncle told us, "I've thought a lot about this situation. You know, how he feels about you. Even when he and his wife were together, man. Really. I have. 'Cause y'all know I'm a thinker." [A thinker??? Seriously??? And he said "thinker", but it came out "thanker." Not convincing.] *lunatic uncle then followed up with his regret that tow-truck friend may have to serve a little time for use plus sale/distribution of some variety of human growth hormone. Nice. *out of nowhere, 60-year-old father loudly exclaimed, "I won't live to see 70." I almost choked on my cheese potatoes, as did brother. I looked at father but chose not to ask what that was about. *lunatic uncle began to extol the benefits of the legalization of marijuana. He said that after smoking, nothing felt better than "cranium hitting pillow." *conservative father was displeased by this declaration and made his vertical-eyebrow look of unhappiness. He said he believed that drug czars might be responsible for a great number of deaths but that he didn't have any exact figures. *lunatic uncle, upon completing his free meal, decided he'd better get going. On his way out the door, he said that he and I should go out to dinner or to see a movie soon. I did not accept or reject this invitation. *father left table to nap in recliner for a bit. *sister and I decided to leave after another hour or so. Brother's bedroom window is on the front of the house, so after we put our things in our cars, we stood in front of brother's window, scratched on the screen, and laughed as we could hear him scream in an utterly feminine manner.
The 4th of July will be here before I know it. Another family gathering. Sigh.
