Exposed finally,,limbo land

[Puppy Dog Tails]

New developement,

She joined a group for her high school class on FB, and first 2 pictures there have them in a group, right next to each other, with arms around each other. Then there are 2 other photos from the event she went to (and stayed the night at) last Saturday, with the two of them, not hugging but together.

It is just screwing me into the ground, these are photo's our daughter has direct access to as her FB friend.

I was thinking of turning up the heat by exposing to her east coast brother(2000 miles away) who is super pro marriage, this will really piss her off. And also her boss, only in that they have been friends for 15 years and her boss and boss's husband are good friends of the family.

What are your thoughts?

If you think he would be supportive of your marriage, I think you should do it. And I would play the "niece" angle, too. That poor girl should NOT have to be exposed to those pics and what they imply!!!

Time to go "Papabear" on her ass.

Puppy

[Allen A]

Expoooooooooooooooose Opti... Do it with dignity and purpose and you will look like a man and your wife will look like a child...

Try to give the exposure targets some guidance as to how you would like them to handle the situation and then leave it to them to choose... Don't just drop the bomb and run, that's not going to help you .. people need direction and guidance (education) in these circumstances.. no one is educated for this nonsense

[Optimust]

Complete meltdown -
Where to begin,,hmm, Tuesday night before I go to bed, the last thing I hear is OM incoming TM, and her type response, can’t sleep for 2 hours because of this. First thing in the morning I hear at 5:58 am is his incoming TM. I’m very upset, and decide to use VOR, and fortunately or unfortunately I got the stuff I thought. Them playfully arguing who has or has not said ‘I love you’, a lot of ohh honey, etc, and ‘I’m so mad at H for keeping me from talking to you for last 4.5 years, and lastly, ‘I go see the lawyer Monday, maybe I’ll tell him H is crazy(so she can stay in house)’, and ‘what was that? Take him for all he’s worth? Oh, ha ha’. Absolutely nothing good that I can gain from this. Run to bro’s house to get his opinion, and he is livid, calling her a 14 year old school girl. Gotta get lawyer now.
Go home, obviously still very upset. Start with, your TM constantly in front of me and the girls is extremely disrespectful, either stop, turn of phone, or do it outside. She stops, and turns it off.
We get into a discussion about the seperation, and who will live where, and she brings up that she would rather D now(probably why she is going to lawyer), I push for seperation, and tell her that our problems in the M are 50/50, but her A is 100% hers. I let her know she has the choice here, either to rebuild the marriage and family, or destroy the marriage and family, she says nothing. We talk about how and when to tell the DD’s.
Then she says, “you’re going to be pissed about this”, and shows me an e-mail that she has sent to her dad, brother, SIL, my bro, and bro’s W, says:
“To my closest family members,,I want to separate from H,,he’s in pain, but I’m in extreme pain too,,,4-5 events explained that all happened from yr 1-10 of our M, none in last 5, except 3 painful paragraphs detailing the depression she suffers from the loss of our son at birth 3 years ago that almost killed her also. Stating H didn’t go to any Dr appts, H worked to conscientiously just like my dad, I wish I insisted H go to appts, Dr told me baby had died and to stay with us, I just wanted to go with baby to heaven, but I knew I had 2 DD’s and a family to care for. I know I have been disappointing all of you but I have to make myself happy for once in my life and not worry about what my family thinks. Life is too short, I don't want to end up like my mom in nursing home pretending to be happy. I hope you will someday understand.
At this point, OM is the only person that is her friend in the world, at least in her eyes.
So, I am pretty darn sure that this is going to be an extremely tough save, I’m not giving up, but I am going to focus on DD’s, and not so much on W, as she seems pretty signed off on M. If she does actually separate instead of D, we will see what happens.
I am preparing to be served, will decide at that time how to approach that situation.
Sorry so long, but I think you know why.

[Allen A]

Opti why are you engaging your wife at all?

She's an addict. She's going to LIE.

pp 139 of Divorce Remedy


1. Do NOT be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than eevr in your whole life and are desperate and needy.
2. Do NOT focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse.
3. Do NOT believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because s/he is hurting and scared.
4. Do NOT give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.
5. Do NOT backslide from your hard-earned changes.


Do you see number THREE? Let me post it here again for you :


3. Do NOT believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because s/he is hurting and scared.


You need to get control of yourself or you are screwed... seriously.. get control of yourself and stay away from this addict.

I am going to send you a christmas present :

http://24.141.78.27/geurintro.wmv

You are going to download that sucker
Then you are going to copy it to a laptop and take it to all your exposure group.. especially the people your wife cowardly emailed...

do NOT show this to your WIFE

I REPEAT... do NOT show this to your wife...

This video will do 95% of your exposure work FOR YOU.. do you hear me? This video will do 95% of your exposure work FOR you...

Watch it someplace OUT of the HOME... at a library or something I don't care...

Go buy that cell phone jammer.. NOW

You can't fight an affair when you are exhausted... Your wife is keeping YOU awake so you are too tired to fight her addiction... get your ARSE in GEAR and find your BALLS man.

Go watch the video, post comments back here, and make appointments with your friends family (exposure group) and show them the video too...

Merry Christmas

[newmama]

Ok now is time for you to look up Plan B (marriagebuilders.com) and LRT in Divorce Remedy.

I don't think it is the right time for you to list all the things you will improve in the marriage and try to sell her on it..it will come across as pleading.

Stop trying to get her back for now. Get your legal consult and the separation in place. (or at least the paperwork)

[Optimust]

So I see lawyer tomorrow at 10 am, this will be 2nd one I've consulted with. I will talk with him about legal separation paperwork, and see about printing it out and stuff after that. We will not separate til kids are out of school.

LRT is in process along with 180. I think I over poisoned my mind with the VOR, yet I probably needed to hear it to kick myself into the next gear.

She has basically turned her back on her and my entire family at this time, as well as avoiding any friend that has a wiff of this. That is going to get very old for her quick.

I'm about as low as I can get, so I'm hoping that the only place to go is up from here. She probably wont be involved in that at all for a while if ever, but my 180 plan is in place, and I've taken a few of the baby steps in that direction I need.

This has just come on so fast that it has overwhelmed me, I'm reeling, yet I know what I need to do.

I definitely need you guys to stay on top of me, and keep me focused because I'm a bit dazed at this time.

Thanks

[Allen A]

You are protecting your children OPTI, i know this is not how you expected to be doing it, but this is it.. protect the family like MEN do... even if its from their own mothers addiction

Can you put a signature together?

Include a list of everyone you exposed to and the result

[Im Trying]

Can I ask what this VOR is? Can you capture text messages with it?

[Optimust]

wow - I get alot of first time posters looking into my sitch.

I can't help you with your issues, you will need to start your on thread and the pro's will help you.

Dont worry about what a VOR is, there is very few, very high-tech ways to captue text messeges, that I can't explain in a forum enviroment or in a way that anyone would understand.

I will update my sitch in a bit.

Thanks Allen and Newmama.

[Allen A]

How about this opti?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Voice-operated_switch

Does that explain it?