Noted. I know I havent been acting myself. I'm confused about the whole situation as far as how I should interact with her to the very last detail. I'm across the board with emotions even though I try not to show it. communication is also one of my weaker points. It always seems that I come off differently than I mean to. Its also easy to misconstrue or take out of context on here.
The whole picture with the older boss is with a lack of affection and interest from her, and the effert she puts into getting ready for work, and the amount of time and things she does with her boss set a combination of insecurity and jealousy in me. Whether that is immature I dont know. If it is then i have something to work on.
The game situation though it was 2 years ago, I still feel guilty about, still feel that I let her down, and when our relationship felt like something was wrong, I tended to internally blame that as the major contributing factor. I know she had said it wasnt, but I felt like it was. When i would look back at our relationship for causes/reasons she would be upset that is the only big thing i can really see other than our misunderstanding with the marriage plans.
If you dont recall that one, I will reiterate it so you dont have to scroll back through.
We got pregnant with our daughter early on in our relationship. She asked me to marry her. I told her yes I would marry her, but I wanted to make it clear that I didnt want to marry her solely because we were going to have a child together. I wanted it to be special for us, not an obligatory decision. I'm not sure if I explained that correctly. Anyway, we were planning the wedding, and decided to move to another city to have more family support. We had to sell the current house and buy another one. So with that we started renovating the house. All of that kept putting the wedding plans on hold. I know I should have insisted on going forward with it, but I didnt think we could afford a wedding with everything going on. I didnt want to go to the courthouse and do that method.
Then one day she retracted the engagement. I asked what was going on, and she said that it wasnt important anymore. After talking with her for some time i finally got this answer that she was hurt by what I said in the beginning about not wanting to get married because we were having a child.
Then a bit later I was continuously wanting to get a ring so that I could propose to her and go ahead with the wedding, but I just couldnt afford to buy it outright and I was told not to get it on loaned money. The disinterest and the way she started treating me from then and the game issue made me doubt if she would say yes and I didnt want to buy a ring until i was sure we were doing better in the relationship.
