Sandi...I was encouraged by the "you have the ability to make me love you again" but I think she is cake eating because she has said repeatedly "why should I give up friendship with OM...he is like a really good female friend and is like family to me...he understands me...I'm worried about him"
Well most WAW's in an A would more than likely tell you that it would snow in hell before she would love you again. But, don't jump in the air and click your heels just yet b/c it could have meant something else. It's just rare that a LBH is told that.
The excuse of saying OM is a "friend" is really getting worn out these days. And with FB, TM, etc., more & more people are contacting the opposite sex and calling it friendship. In reality, if two people are in a MR then that leaves no room for this type of friendship. I'm sure many women libbers would fight me about that, but I stick to my guns b/c it's just plain wrong. She would not want you staying up all night talking to another woman you claimed was only a friend. She wouldn't want you constantly TMing OW or going out to meet her somewhere. Friends of the opposite sex are okay as long as it is done respectfully.....which usually means no secret contacts. If they are only friends, then she shouldn't have any problems with you sitting next to her while she's on the computer with him, right? She shouldn't mind you reading all the emails & TM's from her friend.
I think you may be getting the idea how to handle some of these demands she makes on you. Just need some more practice. Don't worry b/c you'll get plenty.
I am not saying to ever lie to her, but perhaps you can think of something to use as an answer if she ever calls again and demands to know where you are or what you're doing. For example:
W - Where are you? H - Out. W - Where are you!? H - Is there some reason you can't hear me? I'm very busy, why are you calling? (or something like that that does not give her a direct answer to her demanding questions.)
But, you didn't do too badly.
I agree with Puppy.....very, very much. Listen, I'm old fashion but I never waited on my H to discipline our children! I was big enough to handle it just fine. Now, has she always done this, or was that her way of keeping tabs on you? Next time, tell her that she'll have to try to act like an adult and parent her child. Then hang up. Don't ever....EVER rescue her from a child!!! That is crazy!
Think about these things that she might try in the future so you'll have something prepared to say....and it won't catch you off guard. Remember that she needs to have a taste of what her life would be if you weren't around.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Well most WAW's in an A would more than likely tell you that it would snow in hell before she would love you again. But, don't jump in the air and click your heels just yet b/c it could have meant something else. It's just rare that a LBH is told that.
No, I'm not jumping for joy. My interpretation based on her actions is "you can woo me all you want but right now I have OM to meet all my emotional needs...you(me) are last on my priority list". WW wants us to "live as friends in peace and see where life takes us"..."I have to like you again before I can love you again".
Originally Posted By: sandi2
The excuse of saying OM is a "friend" is really getting worn out these days.
Agree...especially when you TM each other in the middle of the night.
Originally Posted By: sandi2
I think you may be getting the idea how to handle some of these demands she makes on you. Just need some more practice.
The one I'm anticipating very quickly is "what's with the new attitude" something along those lines.
Originally Posted By: sandi2
Think about these things that she might try in the future so you'll have something prepared to say....and it won't catch you off guard. Remember that she needs to have a taste of what her life would be if you weren't around.
Again, I agree...when I stayed with family last month and only one DD was at home with WW (other DD stayed with me) she asked me to come back after four nights.
M-43 FWW-42 T 20 M 16 DD10 DD8 EA: 1/10 Informal separation: 6/11/2010 Headed for D: 7/6/2010 Piecing? 9/10/10
The one I'm anticipating very quickly is "what's with the new attitude" something along those lines.
I like the one Puppy has used. "If you only knew how unattractive you are right now". Of course, a lot of women would be ready to war over that statement but it doesn't mean the H has to say any more. He can leave, hang up, or whatever.
Regarding the other statement of how "you" have the ability to make her fall in love with you.......it could sound as if she is placing all the responsibility or burden on your shoulders and in the meantime she doesn't have to even try to work at it.
Last edited by sandi2; 06/10/1011:49 AM.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
"If you only knew how unattractive you are right now".
That's a gem because it's the truth!!! I'll drop that line and then walk away...The anticipated response from WW will be something along the lines of "I feel the same way about you"
Originally Posted By: sandi2
Regarding the other statement of how "you" have the ability to make her fall in love with you.......it could sound as if she is placing all the responsibility or burden on your shoulders and in the meantime she doesn't have to even try to work at it.
BINGO!!!
My thoughts exactly and confirmed by WW's actions.
Last edited by loweinsd51; 06/10/1001:37 PM.
M-43 FWW-42 T 20 M 16 DD10 DD8 EA: 1/10 Informal separation: 6/11/2010 Headed for D: 7/6/2010 Piecing? 9/10/10
Puppy - In preparation for our MC session today I'm prepared to say the following:
Look, I'm more than willing to face up to my own contributions to the problems in our marriage. But I'm not going to waste my time, nor my family's finances, nor will I disrespect YOU,MC, by not being completely honest with each other in these sessions. (then turn to wife) WW, thank you for being honest with me, at least, about the contact with OM itself. I, however, cannot live in an open marriage where my wife puts her friendship -- assuming I believe you, and we both pretty much know you're lying to me right now -- ahead of her marriage. Now we can either put this thing right out on the table, in all its glory, and call it what it is -- an emotional affair, at least -- and try to DEAL with it but I will not live in an open marriage. I will not tolerate you contacting OM in my presence or in our home. I will not tolerate you spending our family finances on having an affair. I will not tolerate you contacting OM.
If you continue contacting OM, I WILL file for D.
M-43 FWW-42 T 20 M 16 DD10 DD8 EA: 1/10 Informal separation: 6/11/2010 Headed for D: 7/6/2010 Piecing? 9/10/10
