Oh no, I've said more then once that she has and has acknowledged having her own serious issues. Almost ALL of them related to not trusting men. Her father walked when she was a small child, a male relative molested her as a child, her first relationship was abusive, etc.

Im telling you guys, this is NOT your normal, run of the mill sitch, Im sure I'll get some snarky comments about that, like I did in my original thread, but so be it. I may need help with figuring out how to do 180's and such and figuring out some other things about whats happened, but I have LIVED with her for almost 14 years and they had NO contact what so ever for almost that entire time.

I am NOT the OM in her mind, 110 % CERTAIN about that, end of story. The fact is there were alot of things over the years that I could have and should have been doing differently and it finally caught up to me. I have NO doubt even if the only things that had been different would have been me giving her what she needed and asked for, we would NOT be where we are right now, regardless of whether we were married or not.

Either some forget or didnt read the threads, but we went through
something similar but not nearly as bad in 2007. She DIDNT run to her EX , she went to someone else, and it was over in very short order. This is the same thing this time around, it just happens to be her EX.

The fact that she moved in with him stings to be sure. But it is a FACT that she literally had NO WHERE else to go. She has no family nearby with room and she doesnt make anywhere near enough to support herself.

I dont give a damn about what she did or might do, if we fix this in the long run. She also admitted yesterday that they only have a short 2 year history that was bad, while we have a 14 year history that was mostly all good.

I really appreciate what everyone is trying to say, but I also have a trained counselor, working with us, thats actually known us personally during good times, thats listening and observing body language and translating and such and Im going to value what her read is on the situation. Since she is actually present to see body language, hear inflection, tone of voice , see facial expressions etc.

And so far everything Im getting is that this CAN be saved, but it will take ALOT of hard work and time to heal.