I feel like i need to contact WAW

[ShockedOne]

Perhaps this could wake WAW up?

You need to stop trying to guess how she will react. 99.99% you will be wrong. Been there, done that. There is nothing wrong with stalling with the D if it will be in your favor. However, kids need to be #1. If she is going to continue to put your DD in a bad environment, cut your loses and run with the full custody. Someone who would walk away, and look to put their own DD in to foster care, does not have their priorities straight.

[Coach]

Don't touch the hot stove.

I seen WAW's name pop up,

The hot stove will burn you. It has burned you before.

and I typed hello and a ?

i dont know why I did

cause you don't listen - your W, the court, and here all have told you the same thing.

She replied " follow court orders "

KIN - "Stove is hot, stove burn hand."

i only replied u going to report this?

Now let's put our other hand on the stove to verify it really is hot.

" Leave me the f*!k alone"

Survey says--------------------- Yes stove is hot.

When her screen name popped up, curiosity got the best of me. THIS WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

cuz the stove is hot?????????

I feel like i need to contact WAW

Stop feeling and start thinking.

[knightinneed]

Coach first off, thank you for stopping by my thread. I completely respect your advice and knowledge of DB'ng.

I know it was a crucial error, but ill be honest I seen something on her face book profile that was a big dagger to my heart. She posted a pic of her with her bosses son (possible OM) behind her not really a hugging pic or anything like that. Her mutual friend said that there is no relationship that they are just friends, but who knows as I cannot confirm nor deny this.

That is what prompted my foolishness as i lost control and also my marbles. She knows that would set me off, and maybe thats what she wanted?

I really would like for you to look at my sitch and maybe guide me a bit.

I am making all the changes I need to make for me, but the no contact is killing me, because I feel like it will allow her time to develop feelings for possible OM, unless it may just be her sending a message to me, because she is vindictive right now.

I also would like advice on stalling the D, because I do plan to go for full custody because at this time she has no car, a part time job and is living with her boss and could not afford to have my DD1 full time.

Regardless of reconciliation, I want my DD1 full time, and will be financially able to pursue it etc...

I am hoping that if I pursue full custody and tell her I want to work on the marriage, and not going to mediation she may come around, and well If she does not I will pursue it anyway.

Maybe the reality of her losing DD1 will wake her up, and also allow her to see my changes. I have literally changed so many things she did not like, and feel if she could just see them it would make a difference.

I have seen where some like Gucci or RobX would advise a taste of their own medicine ie dating myself, but I am just really confused on how to handle this.

Do I stall divorce, buy time? Do I even say I want to work on the marriage? Or do I just keep making my changes stay dark and let Lawyers handle it?

Please help with some suggestions.

[knightinneed]

Bump coach u out there?

[Greek]

I know you sent out a call for Coach, but I'm chiming in, too.

I know it was a crucial error, but

That right there is going to EAT YOUR LUNCH! The "but" is keeping you from making better moves, and that is ALL YOU - all your choices. Cut that out.

ill be honest I seen something on her face book profile that was a big dagger to my heart. She posted a pic of her with her bosses son (possible OM) behind her not really a hugging pic or anything like that. Her mutual friend said that there is no relationship that they are just friends, but who knows as I cannot confirm nor deny this.

Can you change ANY of that? Did the action you took make ANY difference in what is on FB?

That is what prompted my foolishness as i lost control and also my marbles. She knows that would set me off, and maybe thats what she wanted?

Oliver Stone thinking. Conspiracy. Trying to assign motives is not going to get you anywhere.

I am making all the changes I need to make for me, but the no contact is killing me, because I feel like it will allow her time to develop feelings for possible OM, unless it may just be her sending a message to me, because she is vindictive right now.

You only have control over yourself (supposedly ) Quit worrying about what she is doing, why she is doing it, what she may do...

I am hoping that if I pursue full custody and tell her I want to work on the marriage, and not going to mediation she may come around, and well If she does not I will pursue it anyway.

Do what is best for your child b/c that is the kind of father you are...not b/c it MIGHT make your W think or do something.

Maybe the reality of her losing DD1 will wake her up, and also allow her to see my changes. I have literally changed so many things she did not like, and feel if she could just see them it would make a difference.

She is not asleep. She is making choices. You have some to make, too.
Greek

[knightinneed]

Update to sitch :

Just received a email from my Atty. He said that her attorney contacted him a week ago and advised that he planned to file a petition for divorce, however her attorney also stated that she still owed him money for all the appearances he has made, and also will not be providing any further action on her behalf until the previous bills are paid and she provides a retainer of 750.00 dollars for a divorce petition, my ATTY said that means she is not paying the bills as i should have had papers 1-2 weeks ago.

Now this brings up something very interesting, because I know my WAW can not afford this unless her boss would or possible OM would give her prob close to 1000.00 for current bills and another 750.00 for divorce proceedings.

It seems now that she can not afford this. I suppose it gives me a true advantage in the divorce case if it comes to that, as we have a likely 2 more court appearances ahead in family court over the cps crap, and that is another 200.00 hr for the attorney.

If it goes all the way, i feel pretty good about my chances for sure with her prior record, and arrest etc... However my goals remains unchanged.

I want full custody of my daughter or WAW to drop the divorce and work on our marriage with getting help for herself and to be a family again.

I also had heard, she was in the hospital recently and the bosses family she is staying with did not believe her and she called a ambulance.

She had some sort of serious infection and has been sick. More bills are piling up and she is hitting rock bottom, I just hope this OM doesn't have money and think he is some kind of super hero. He likely is not, but If he was she would probably be using him.

Thoughts? Comments? Questions?

[Greek]

Thoughts? Comments? Questions?

Karma's a biotch.
Greek

[robx]

She had some sort of serious infection and has been sick. More bills are piling up and she is hitting rock bottom, I just hope this OM doesn't have money and think he is some kind of super hero. He likely is not, but If he was she would probably be using him.

Thoughts? Comments? Questions?

you'll find out his true colors soon enough,
if he wants her bad enough, he'll probably give her the money so that she can divorce you and be with him, I'm guessing he won't - he hasn't thus far if she's behind in her bills ;-)

[knightinneed]

BIG Update :

Was browsing face book and messaged OM's W. She knew who I was immediately and wanted to talk. OM has now been confirmed, apparently OM is bosses son, and is living there in the same house with them, and they all work at the same business doing home based health care.

OM Wife was very nice and told me a lot about the situation. Apparently OM has been spending all his money on WAW and not helping with his own 2 kids. OM is still married and his wife was under the impression they were taking a break as they are not legally seperated.

OM Wife was very very angry about this and has custody of their 2 kids. She wants to meet up and chat, as I told her about WAW's violent past, money troubles, manipulative tactics. And she said the family is noticing her weird behavior and feel that she is using them, i think this could be true.

OM apparently told wife they were just friends but she does not believe it and now I do not either. OM W is saying she probably will not reconcile and also get restraining order regarding their 2 kids against my WAW. I told her I would meet with her to help bust this affair as I think this is sick.

Oh yea, WAW has contacted me and wants to talk, said she will not snitch, but hell i guess i cannot be naive about this. She messaged 3-4 times and well i responded that she could call me and well Id record it. I'm not gonna initiate breaking no contact.

Question is what should I do regarding OM Wife? Do I help her with busting the affair? She wants MIL to know everything as MY WAW told many lies about me, said I was abusive, crazy etc...

Also, regarding WAW she is so deep down in the fog she is wrecking another marriage. I still love her, but man this is tough I need ADVICE.

[TimeHeals]

The OM's W has a right to know the facts and make her own decissions.

You have a right to know the facts and make your own decissions.

Keep it as business like as possible. The point is not to redeem yourself or character assasinate your estranged W.

The point is to get the unvarnished truth out and put it on the table for all the affected parties to make their own choices.

Do not violate the court order, and you shouldn't have sent the text reply. Stop making this mistake. You are letting your emotions dictate your actions.

Here is your plan:

1. Share info with OM's W.
2. Be the best parent you can be and protect your kids.
3. Be the confident, self-assured adult in what is otherwise a bad episode of the Jerry Springer Show.