Question

[awest1217]

Well...2x4's can come out because I want to hit myself with one.

Everything is back to how it always is. I just can't kick him to the curb. He text me this morning to say good morning. Then asked why I hadn't responded (he didn't ask anything). and if I hated him. He just went on and on so we did lunch with S, went shopping for FIL's present (I was overruled), and that was it.

The only difference is now I know he just wants to be friends and although I never really wanted to be friends with my X, I don't have a choice with S in the picture. I can't be mean to him and not talk to him ever. It would be different if S was older, but with S this small where he can't really hold full conversations on the phone or do stuff for his dad on his own. I have to do that stuff, and I can't if I am always mad at him. Maybe I have just reached a level of detachment where it just doesn't matter anymore.

I am still going to live my life and not let him dictate it. He doesn't seem to really want to hang out or do anything so it is not a problem. We are going to do dinner for his birthday on Friday because S said he wanted to get daddy a cake and candles. Otherwise we will see him Father's day at his parents and that is probably it for a while.

I know I am letting him walk all over me, and it does bother me because there are no consequences. I just keep thinking if there is a chance...I want to keep trying...although deep down I know there is no chance ever...