Need advice for my sitch...

[thelostone]

one other thing, I have an invoice i need to take to her office.. should i do that when she isnt there, or dont worry about it?

[Greek]

Fax it. Mail it.
Greek

[thelostone]

So the lady friend/coworker asked if i was playin softball still. I said yes.

I have some questions about these types of situations.

When does it become appropriate to start discussing the R?

If and when your spouse starts to show interest again, what do you do?

[Greek]

When does it become appropriate to start discussing the R?

Not at all now. She has NO interest in the R. There is nothing to discuss (and you cannot persuade her - which is what you secretly want to do with a R talk). And even if she brings it up, you say, "We should talk about this later. I haven't fully decided where I am with this R right now." Leave her hanging.

If and when your spouse starts to show interest again, what do you do?

Act like you don't notice. Be polite, but don't fully engage. Let her WANT you...not just TEST the water.
Greek

[Puppy Dog Tails]

When does it become appropriate to start discussing the R?

Not at all now. She has NO interest in the R. There is nothing to discuss (and you cannot persuade her - which is what you secretly want to do with a R talk). And even if she brings it up, you say, "We should talk about this later. I haven't fully decided where I am with this R right now." Leave her hanging.

If and when your spouse starts to show interest again, what do you do?

Act like you don't notice. Be polite, but don't fully engage. Let her WANT you...not just TEST the water.
Greek

BINGO.

Make her EARN it, TLO. #1 mistake people make with reconciling is that they make it TOO EASY on their wayward/walkaway spouse to come back.

Puppy

[thelostone]

Thanks for the responses.

I'm really concerned for my 3yr old daughter's well being. It makes things very tough. She misses her mom and gets upset at bedtime because she isnt there.

[Greek]

Thanks for the responses.

I'm really concerned for my 3yr old daughter's well being. It makes things very tough. She misses her mom and gets upset at bedtime because she isnt there.

That's where you step it up as a dad. I'm not saying little daughter doesn't miss mom. But you can handle it. Good grief - I'm an administrator at a K-8 school and I see little ones weeping and wailing everyday when their Mamas drop them off. Within an hour, they've moved on to their goldfish, koolaid, paste and crayons. I think you're kinda looking for an excuse to call your GF. I'm not letting you get away with that
Greek

[thelostone]

I have stepped it up on all levels.

I did call my GF lastnight, but only because my daughter was upset/crying at bedtime. However I did not hold a conversation with her. It had nothing to do with me. I said your daughter would like to talk with you. afterwords, She thanked me for calling because "she didnt realize how late it was". I just kinda said "ya" or or "uh huh" in a normal voice, and then said i was gonna finish getting her to bed.

Are you telling me that I shouldnt even do this at all?

[MrBond]

It's okay to call your W about your D, but dont' use your D as a means to get to your W. One thing I personally don't think you should have done was refer to YOUR D as "your D" to your W.

She's a human being and deserves the same. She thanked you and so you had an opening to be equally nice. Instead it sounds like you were judgmental of her.

The reason why I asked about your age is because in your interactions with your GF, you sound pretty immature relationship-wise. No offense.

Bottom line: Do you want to get back together?

If you do, then you need to step it up as a man. She got tired of the game-playing BF and is looking for a man who will lead. And in any case, you need to do that for yourself.

[Greek]

I have stepped it up on all levels.

I did call my GF lastnight, but only because my daughter was upset/crying at bedtime. However I did not hold a conversation with her. It had nothing to do with me. I said your daughter would like to talk with you. afterwords, She thanked me for calling because "she didnt realize how late it was". I just kinda said "ya" or or "uh huh" in a normal voice, and then said i was gonna finish getting her to bed.


Are you telling me that I shouldnt even do this at all?

And when she got off of the phone with you, she could have accurately assessed that "I have to take care of everything! Even getting the baby settled for bed! He doesn't handle anything!" Now, I know and you know that is NOT true. But she could say it and believe it very easily...as opposed to "Gee, I wonder why I haven't heard from them. He must have gotten her down for bedtime by himself. Hmmmm."
Greek