I am back...and finding me

[ericmsant2]

Mach -

This Saturday, God willing I will be taking the boys to party at a friends house. Me and Toria will be going to a fair that just opened. As for Sunday, this is the W's day. So I will probably come in to work to catch up on some things. As for everything else, I have all of the finacial info ready for my attny. I'll be dropping that off tomorrow. I have to tell you though bro...I am in a very weird place. I am begining to "really" see things differently - very differently. I love the women dude. I do. Continue to work on loving her enought to let go. The M was never perfect...it was salvagable and I can see how my action during and up to a few weeks ago really made things worse. I'm not beating myself up - simply accepting my role. Simply identifing the c**p that I need to change. I'm on the journey...I'm on the walk...the walk forward.

B - BTW...just wondering are we friends on the alt? I think I know who you are and wanted to confirm.

If you feel there were things you could have done differently and things you want to change about yourself, that is what you should work on.

That is EXACTLY where I am. Really reflecting on my shiznit..

But please dont take the blame for her not becoming the person she needed to be. Only she could do that. By doing so, you make her the victim.[/qoute]
The only blame I take is not working to understand and work on the issues that I brought to the M. Such as the "fixer" and "controlling" issues. You are right, I did not put a gun to her head - she made the choice to stay. I have not made her the victim. Based on her comments, she feels that she is and I need to accept that "that is how SHE feels". I pray and hope, I really do, that she finds what she is looking for. The legal aspect of this is just that...a legal issue. The M....we had died a while ago. Neither of us probably wanted to accept it for our own reasons. It is sad - I will though learn from it, which is what I can control.

[quote]So, work on you. Let her work on her.

That's the plan....The one wish I do have....is that ONE day she realizes just how much I loved her. For now, I work on being super DAD.

God Bless,
Eric