Well, last night I came home to H and his friend with S5. They had gone to his baseball game. H called me to see where I was and I had been in transit and he wanted to make sure I wasn't heading to the field because the game was over. I thanked him and went home to meet up with them.
They played ball with S and then S and I went to dinner.
This morning H came over like every other day and went to sleep in S's bed.
I then come to work and he texts me commenting on a "great pic" of me and my "new friend" that he saw on FB and that he noticed I wasn't wearing my rings and he asked when I was going to sell them to pay bills.
I laughed at him. I had gone out without my rings Friday night and the pic was taken with a really nice girl I met that night.. Mind you, I was out with my SIL. My rings were in my bad because I felt like an A$$ wearing them out because to me they symbolize MY loyalty and devotion and vows.. but yet they are also a reminder of HIS broken vows, lack of devotion and disloyalty.
So he goes on a tirade that if I'm going out representing that I'm single, he will do the same, blah, blah, blah. he will start going out too.. just went on and on (funny, how someone who doesn't care can just go on and on about what I'm doing?!?) So I told him that I was out with his S and he said that his sister wouldn't care what I did and she would probably turn the cheek if I did hook up with someone.
I told him that I had respect for my kids and myself to carry on in that manner. but really didn't feed into his ranting.
I then said to him that we had gotten along well and asked if he agreed and he said yes. I then said that we both need space right now. Let's not focus on US.. We both have our issues with each other and need space to heal. I said, Let's worry about the bills and the kids and then maybe see where things go as far as we are concerned. I think we need a cool off. Because right now, we have alot of anger and resentment towards each other.
He said that's what I wanted before but you started b!tching at me.. which I told him that it was partially true and I wasn't asking him to move back in. I just said we need space to figure things out.
In all honesty, the one thing I've realized is that regardless of whether we are together or not, we need to get past this anger and resentment. if we don't, we can't even really be friends, nonetheless coparents...
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
So he goes on a tirade that if I'm going out representing that I'm single, he will do the same, blah, blah, blah. he will start going out too.. just went on and on (funny, how someone who doesn't care can just go on and on about what I'm doing?!?)
Nice observation!
Originally Posted By: timehealsall
I then said to him that we had gotten along well and asked if he agreed and he said yes. I then said that we both need space right now. Let's not focus on US.. We both have our issues with each other and need space to heal. I said, Let's worry about the bills and the kids and then maybe see where things go as far as we are concerned. I think we need a cool off. Because right now, we have alot of anger and resentment towards each other.
Woohooo Time! Way to put it! Three cheers for you!
Originally Posted By: timehealsall
He said that's what I wanted before but you started b!tching at me.. which I told him that it was partially true and I wasn't asking him to move back in. I just said we need space to figure things out.
And an excellent rebuttal to his counter-attack. Nicely handled! Excellent assertiveness!
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
"Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?" - Mary Manin Morrissey
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
I feel so blah today. UGH.. I need to snap out of it.
I checked his emails today and he received one from the landlord asking how he was doing. H replied that he was "dealing with bullsh!t every day and trying to get his sh!t together and make money" Landlord replied for him to hang in there and then said "getting laid there? I doubt it my lil bro lol" I didn't find this funny ONE bit. In fact, it stung.
He's played me out to be such a frikkin horrible ogre.
I yearn to feel close to someone again.
I watched a couple on the train and it made me so sad. He was standing behind her and kissed the top of her head and caressed her. I MISS that. I want that.
Is this all really worth fighting for? is HE worth fighting for?
I can't answer that.
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
Because you have kids and combined assets, I would advise that you have a legal consult just so you know where you stand.
As to that convo with landlord, they are men and they are pigs. I wouldn't pay much mind to that.
As to what I see with your sitch, your H is very confused. You need to give him space and have him miss you. Have him get a bit jealous. That is when you have the most reaction from him.
M:27 H: 33 M:10/07 T:9 yrs H moves away for drug recovery: 3/2010 ILYBINILWY & wants D:5/02/10 Confirmed OW:5/21 Told MIL:5/25(only concerned about H's recovery) Told FIL:5/28(will speak to him)
Because you have kids and combined assets, I would advise that you have a legal consult just so you know where you stand.
As to that convo with landlord, they are men and they are pigs. I wouldn't pay much mind to that.
As to what I see with your sitch, your H is very confused. You need to give him space and have him miss you. Have him get a bit jealous. That is when you have the most reaction from him.
Yeah, I noticed that too..
Him seeing pics of me out this past weekend AND with no ring on sent him over the edge...but now he's back to a$$hole mode...
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
So I spoke to an attorney today. He is supposed to be somewhat of a pitbull at what he does.
Told him the main parts of what was going on.
L asked me if H was giving me money. I said no because I work and get my own paycheck now. L said that that is a no-no. He thinks I should first take him to family court because he should be giving me money for the kids. He also made it clear that because we alot of assets, that this isn't going to be an easy or short process and wanted me to be aware of that.
He said that he also has asset and hidden income discovery and tracing especially being that H's place of business is overseas.
UGH...I wish this were easier.
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
Finding out where you stand legally is very smart, especially if your H isn't helping out financially with your children. Just don't rush into any decisions at this time and don't give up hope and DB if you are not 100% ready. It's true that only you know when you are done fighting for the marriage.
