The past is the past and the activities you used to do don't really matter right now. What matter is what you are doing NOW. If your W chooses not to do anything more than stay around the house and play computer games and watch tv that is fine but IMO you will be better off if you start doing more.
A change of scenery or something new will do wonders for you. You will gain a new perspective on your situation. And you will be in the company of other people that you don't have to cajole in to doing something outside of the house or errands. It will also give you some space from this very tedious situation and give you time to recharge and regroup. You need some space I think.
Since your W still lives at home then you will still have interaction and at this point I think it's far better to have fewer POSITIVE interactions than many not so positive ones. If your W doesn't want to join you then so be it. You have given her no chance to miss you. And you will be able to monitor the phone and computer.
When your W uses sounds to communicate be firm and say "W: when you use noises and facial expressions to communicate I cannot understand you. Please use words when communicating with me".
When your W tells you you have an attitude simply say "W: I am sorry you feel that way". Don't argue and don't defend yourself. If she tries to argue more then simply reiterate what you said and walk away cheerfully.
If your W talks to the dog through you tell her "W: Please do not communicate to me through the dog:
Lastly, I see no problem in telling your W when her behavior is disrespectful.
The point I think we are making is your W asks an awful lot for things to be done for her. When she doesn't need a task/favor done she isn't all that pleasant to you. Can you see why many of us feel your W treats you as a servant?
There are many routines and patterns that need to be broken and that won't happen overnight. IMO you need to start breaking them by behaving in a totally different way. You said your W does not handle her schedule well. Why not say something like.. "W, I know your work schedule is really hard on you. Would it be helpful to you if we set everything out you will need the night before so your pre-work routine is as smooth as possible?"
You have to teach your W how to create some healthy and less dependant patterns in her life.
