He's telling friends he thinks we'll reunite

[MarieC]

Wow, Allen, thanks. It always helps to hear what other men think. I work for the army (and despite the rampant cheating), all my male friends here want to string him up, say he's a no good bastard -- and they are appalled at the dim bulb (not even PRETTY) he left me for. (She works at one of the biggest beer joints in town so people know the place - and now her.) Even the local taxi drivers tell me with disgust that she has a bad reputation ("die ist leicht zu haben!")

I don't really understand whether this is a MLC (with bimbo and boozing as a symptom) OR if he was just fighting his true character for years - I got his best self, but his REAL self is a lying, philandering alcoholic? It would be hard to pull off the latter for 12 years, but ... I really don't know. I have all of these good tender memories, but the last 4 months have been so nightmarish--I don't know where that good man went, so sometimes I wonder if he was always an over-entitled user who just was very good at covering up that fact?

Any suggestions on detachment? I think you're absolutely right that if he feels like I'm Plan B (to the bimbo! makes me want to retch!), he has no respect for me and is likely to do this again. If he gets a whiff of desperation, then you're right - I can expect a worst case scenario. The therapist helps a bit with this but people who've lived through this so often have better examples. What do you suggest for detaching? (It's so scary to cut all contact...)