Help

[MESSIMADE]

Steve: No I was using OW and OW was using me. I destroyed my life in the prcess. It was not love. 95% of my time was providing for my family, taking them places, doing things with them and for them, being with them and loving them. Any thing my wife wanted I gave her, me, time, affection, material things, sharing chores. I lived a double life and only 5% of that double life was devoted to OW, but that is way too much.

I love my wife b/c I have such a deep caring for her I would do anything for her, sacrafice anything, give the all that I can for her, I want to be there for her. She is the person I want to grow old with, share the rest of live with, be with. I was guilty of taking her for granted and not being true to her and our marriage. This is a monumental mistake on my part and I realize that it may be too late, that I may have woke up too late, but I pray not.

I actually used 143 to represent I love you, because I would not allow those words to by typed by me, but we all know what 143 stands for don't we. If I didn't reciprocate what she was telling me I was affraid I would loose control of situation.

I know why. I was selfish, I wasn't getting my "needs" met by wife b/c I wasn't talking to her telling her what I needed. I emotionally disconnected from her and started pooring that energy in the wrong place. That should have been channeled towards fixing what wasn't working at home, not sharing with another person.


I "loved" the attention at first, but started to understand it as going too far, was wrong and out of bounds in a marriage. Then fear took hold of me and I was affraid to come clean. That is the fear I am talking about.