Okay, so how does this play into who you want to be ?
Can one really " Take it down a notch "
Or would it be plausible to examine the triggers that you have within to recognize WHY you go overboard to begin with ?
Which one works better, and which one is less likely to fail you in the heat of battle ?
Hi Mach!
I've been examining triggers, behaviours, cause and effect ... you name it. I've come to terms with the fact that my need to fix, help, control, problem solve and handle is partly my personality and partly the insecurities I've brought with me from my childhood/teen years - it's the latter I want to obliterate. And in order to honour the part of my personality that does like to help and fix ... I'm learning to recognize when it's appropriate and HOW it's appropriate (ie. perhaps the perfect HELP is no HELP at all to allow for someone else to experience growth). I'm trying to make sure that offers of help are genuine and not habitual people-pleasing or attempts at control. I'm also learning that I am an emotional person, I can't and wouldn't want to change that ... what I do want to change, and have made major strides towards already I think, is letting those emotions determine my reactive behaviours. I've needed to learn peace, calmness and stillness for a while now. I am emotional, but I'm learning to breathe and respond instead of reacting. I am responsible for my reactions. This is a work in progress
I like who I am, or perhaps to be more honest, I like who I was, and who I am re-becoming. The woman I want to be is confident, competent, compassionate, aware, loving, kind, emotional but not reactive ....
So yeah, I think one can 'take it down a notch' ... be true to oneself without trampling everyone else around you in the process.
And I've already learned just how valuable it is to learn control in the 'heat of battle' ... my H has commented several times that he keeps expecting me 'to blow up' or to 'lose it' ... I just smiled and said "keep waiting!".
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
