Me Time

[Barkley]

and she uses whatever tactics she's used in the past that worked on you

But she didnt use any tactics. It sounds to me like she forgave and she tried and she waited until the anger and the alcohol abuse eventually became too much. She may have come to a point that she needed to realize herself, her potential, make herself the center of her world instead of someone else or waiting around for someone to realize how important she is. These are her words:

I guess it’s hard for you to believe your actions caused this or else you wouldn’t have done it, but I’m telling you they did and in regards to forgiveness I continually forgave you for 10 years and maybe a person reaches a point they can’t do it anymore.

Observe reality.

What we have here is the outcome of several crises. There is no reason to create yet another. That would be more of the same ... and here is how your wife feels about that,

"But, I think the truth is you can’t hold in the unhappy feelings forever."

The hard question to answer is how did Mrs. Barkley feel and react when Barkley was drunk or throwing a tantrum? Did she cry herself to sleep at night? Did she question herself and what she was doing wrong that caused this? Did she try her hardest to make things perfect so it wouldnt happen again? the house being spotless, special dinner, sex, try to be "sweetest nicest person on earth," give up on herself?

So, what is so different from her going out for a few drinks, or being a little angry or distant then when you did?

If she was cheating on you, I would yell dump her, move on, find yourself so if she comes back you understand yourself as a greater person than that from which she fled. But for all you know she probably isn't. It does read to me like both of you are suffering.

I know....just frustrated and venting. I hope you are right