I cannot tell you how many times in the past I MADE my W get out of bed (or wherever) to do something for me that I was very well capable of doing myself and my W was always hesitant to ask for to do much because she was unsure what OIN she would get.
OIN, you keep reverting to this as your default position for justifying your current interactions with your wife: "Yes, they may be unhealthy, but I did it to her in the past, so now I need to make up for that."
You have several different people, all coming from different backgrounds and perspectives, suggesting to you that your communication style between you and your wife is somewhat dysfunctional, and that your pleasing/supplicating/placating behaviors are detrimental to your current stage of DBing.
And you dismiss them.
Which of course, you are free to do, but don't expect to get different results if you're not willing to jettison your held belief of "I hurt her in the past, so now I need to respond to her requests or I will push her to someone else who will."
