For the reasons CG stated, it is kind of a big deal in this state. I am not necessary trying to use this as leverage. I just find it odd giving the circumstances. Just for the record the last thing my W needs is breast augmentations.
As for the remainder of the day...
W and I had planned to go out and do a few things today but unfortunately W feel to sleep and woke up ill. Stating her head was heading and she felt as if she was going to vomit. As a result we did not follow through on our plans.
We ended up watching an old family film of my FIL when he was a child along with all my W's uncles. Well my W started to watch and I joined her. We made comments ect...
After W said to the dog "<dog name> don't you want to play pictionary" and I said "<W name> if you would like to play just ask me" W said something in response sort of defensive but I fail to remember. We then played pictionary. We played for nearly 2 hours and we had fun again.
After W and I started to watch a show on TV and then decided to go get some ice cream. We then returned home finished watching the show and went up to bed. W went to sleep.
W has altogether stopped talking future tense and has once again lost interest in updates to the home.
Our dog was a little sick today needless to say we had some messes to clean up around the house as a result and we actually cleaned up together.
W was her typical WAS self times but there were moments were I called W out on her attitude. When ever W uses sounds instead of words to communicate with me I just say "I'm sorry I could not understand you" in return she then uses words. I still let somethings slide considering she is a WAS after all.
I failed to mention in an earlier post that while I was at my hearing W was attempting to log into my mobile phone account (she failed). She did not mention anything to me about it though.
I have not heard anything new concerning OM, my concern is they may still talk. In the morning they park in the employee lot and then get on a shuttle which drops them off in front of the airport. It is very possible that the two could be on the shuttle alone during these times. They ride together every sat, sun, and wed. I am trying to find away to monitor this....
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
After W said to the dog "<dog name> don't you want to play pictionary" and I said "<W name> if you would like to play just ask me" W said something in response sort of defensive but I fail to remember. We then played pictionary. We played for nearly 2 hours and we had fun again. . . .
W was her typical WAS self times but there were moments were I called W out on her attitude. When ever W uses sounds instead of words to communicate with me I just say "I'm sorry I could not understand you" in return she then uses words.
Well, I am not my best at calling her out without confrontation. She has lashed back saying "I dont have an attitude" but I just ignore it and not argue the point any further
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
I forgot to mention that last night I was heating something up in the oven for the both of us. I was checking up on the food and burned my finger. I was in terrible pain but I tried my best to hold it in. W seen I was in pain and asked if I burned myself. I told her yes and expressed the pain I was in. W then asked me if I wanted a refill on my drink and if I wanted ice....
This morning I tried to follow the advice of some who suggested not to get out of bed when W leaves for work if I am not already up. W was walking out of the room and said "I'm going downstairs" usually she would say "I'm leaving"
I said bye and she said "what did you say?" I repeated "bye" and she replied "bye" she sounded as if she was caught of guard by me not getting up. about 2 min later W calls for me and ask for me to come down. So I did and she needed help finding something. I helped her find it. W then gathered her things and was heading out the door saying and waving bye to he dog...
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
I said bye and she said "what did you say?" I repeated "bye" and she replied "bye" she sounded as if she was caught of guard by me not getting up. about 2 min later W calls for me and ask for me to come down. So I did and she needed help finding something. I helped her find it. W then gathered her things and was heading out the door saying and waving bye to he dog...
I don't like this dynamic you two have right now.
She calls--makes you get out of bed--to come down and help her look for something. She is treating you like a servant. Under normal circumstances, I would say this is fine, but I am not sure it wasn't just a way to see if she still has some control over you in this present situation.
And then you say she said goodbye to the dog, but I didn't read about her saying goodbye to you. Is that what happened?
Did she get you up out of bed to look for something and then say goodbye to the dog and not you? If so, next time stay in bed and pull the danged covers over your head and pretend you are asleep.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
AGREE, with all of that. I think it was a test, either conscious or subconscious.
When my kids (or my wife) ask me to "Come here" -- unless the tone of their voice indicates it's urgent or they're hurt or something -- I usually say "What did you need?? I do the same thing with e-mails at work, when a co-worker will e-mail me "Call me," with no explanation. I think it's common courtesy to let the person know what you need, otherwise it's a beckon call.
The same woman that asked you just 24 hours ago to provide her with health insurance couldn't be bothered to say goodbye to you but could say goodbye to the dog? I am sorry but this is unacceptable.
Didn't you say your W begins work at 4am? So she is asking you to help her at that hour and can't even muster a goodbye?
I really think you need to change your routine for you! I really am not sure how else you will break the dynamic the two of you have.
I know you work full time and you mentioned playing sports and working out but what about a new hobby just for you? Right now your W has NO CLUE what it would be like not to have you around 24/7. It seems the two of you spend LOTS of time together.
I think you really should maybe consider building a life for you outside of your W. It will give you time to recharge and it will also be good for you to interact with people to practice your new skills/tools.
Your W seems to live and die by the dog. I would start taking the dog out of the house... to the park, a dog park or on a hike. If she wants to come along great. If not that is fine as well but I am not so sure you and her spending so much time in the house is the best course of action right now.
No matter what, it's terribly rude to wake up an entire household in the middle of the night for no good reason other than not being able to find something. I understand she can't control her work schedule but some common courtesy is in order.
Has your W always acted so entitled? I found it odd in a previous post you stated your W said she was going to call her dad so he could call the attny.
I said bye and she said "what did you say?" I repeated "bye" and she replied "bye" she sounded as if she was caught of guard by me not getting up. about 2 min later W calls for me and ask for me to come down. So I did and she needed help finding something. I helped her find it. W then gathered her things and was heading out the door saying and waving bye to he dog...
I don't like this dynamic you two have right now.
She calls--makes you get out of bed--to come down and help her look for something. She is treating you like a servant. Under normal circumstances, I would say this is fine, but I am not sure it wasn't just a way to see if she still has some control over you in this present situation.
And then you say she said goodbye to the dog, but I didn't read about her saying goodbye to you. Is that what happened?
Did she get you up out of bed to look for something and then say goodbye to the dog and not you? If so, next time stay in bed and pull the danged covers over your head and pretend you are asleep.
She did not force me out of bed. She did not demand I get up and help her out. She asked if I could help her and I did. Laying in bed pulling the covers over my head and ignoring her requests is the old me.
I cannot tell you how many times in the past I MADE my W get out of bed (or wherever) to do something for me that I was very well capable of doing myself and my W was always hesitant to ask for to do much because she was unsure what OIN she would get.
Originally Posted By: CityGirl
The same woman that asked you just 24 hours ago to provide her with health insurance couldn't be bothered to say goodbye to you but could say goodbye to the dog? I am sorry but this is unacceptable.
Didn't you say your W begins work at 4am? So she is asking you to help her at that hour and can't even muster a goodbye?
I really think you need to change your routine for you! I really am not sure how else you will break the dynamic the two of you have.
I know you work full time and you mentioned playing sports and working out but what about a new hobby just for you? Right now your W has NO CLUE what it would be like not to have you around 24/7. It seems the two of you spend LOTS of time together.
I think you really should maybe consider building a life for you outside of your W. It will give you time to recharge and it will also be good for you to interact with people to practice your new skills/tools.
Your W seems to live and die by the dog. I would start taking the dog out of the house... to the park, a dog park or on a hike. If she wants to come along great. If not that is fine as well but I am not so sure you and her spending so much time in the house is the best course of action right now.
No matter what, it's terribly rude to wake up an entire household in the middle of the night for no good reason other than not being able to find something. I understand she can't control her work schedule but some common courtesy is in order.
Has your W always acted so entitled? I found it odd in a previous post you stated your W said she was going to call her dad so he could call the attny.
She said bye in response to me saying it while I was still in bed.
Yes, right now the dog is an important part of each our lives. We both have become attached. I have read somewhere on this forum that other WAS did the same thing when their sitch was going on, talk to the dog and try to project happiness.
It is not like she asked me to help her find a hair clip or something foolish. In this instance it did warrant my assistance.
Quote:
Has your W always acted so entitled? I found it odd in a previous post you stated your W said she was going to call her dad so he could call the attny.
Yes. She said she was going to call her father (who went through a divorce with her mother) and get the number for her his attny. This was just a little over a month ago.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
How did you MAKE your W get out of bed in the past? Did you threaten or harm her if she didn't comply? Did you drag her out of bed?
IMO you are taking all kinds of terrible behavior from your W because it is what you used to do. You feel guilty for the way you treated your W and now you are allowing her to do the same thing for you as "punishment". And really, how does that stop the cycle of negative behavior. It doesn't. What it does do is create an ongoing power struggle you will never ever break.
I know things are fragile but you have to learn it is okay to tell your W no. She is ALWAYS asking you for something... to help her find stuff, food, a blanket and so on. You don't have to say yes each time. And if that is what pushes her out the door then so be it. Let her live alone and see what it's like not to have a full time servant.
As isolated incidents some of this stuff would be fine but the incidents are not isolated. A very clear pattern is developing. My H and I lived in a power struggle for years and I can assure you once the struggle begins it gains momentum fast.
Have you considered IC for yourself? If not, why?
I really think you need to limit the amount of time you spend with your W. The two of you need more than computer games, tv, shopping and playing with the dog. I think you both would do much better if you found healthier ways to spend time together as it might create a new dynamic, you would get to see new sides of each other and it would break up the routine the two of you seem stuck in. It also might help create some immediate positive memories and feelings. If your W is not up for it then so be it.. do it for you!
