As far as allowing your H to be an a$$ to you, well, there is a place where you don't have to attack to defend yourself. Just a simple "I'll talk with you later." Then remove yourself from the situation. It doesn't mean you have to leave your home to go out, just another room.
If this doesn't work try something else.
Keep in mind that you are also showing your son how wives/women will be treated.
It is all so exhausting and overwhelming right now. Please take care of yourself.
