And the same thing will happen to him with the next R. In a way, we're the lucky ones because we get to heal and have the opportunity to fix issues within ourselves, the WAS just keeps on running in the same hamster wheel.
"I guess from your pov she's doing great then. Thanks for the info about the various activities too. I suppose kids like her can still go to things like 'family days'"
OK fine, I won't say that. Maybe just nothing then?
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
"Recognize that it is "sick" and "unhealthy" to believe that you have the power or control enough to fix, correct, change, heal or rescue another person, place or thing if they do not want to get better nor see a need to change. Remember, another person can only change and get help on his or her own. You can not make a person do anything they do not want to or are ready to do on their own.
Accept personal responsibility for your own unhealthy actions, feelings and thinking and cease looking for the persons, places or things you can blame for your unhealthiness and unhappiness"
I liked the above comment but sank my heart when I read these ending comments:
You can still love the person, but need to recognize when it has become too enmeshed, dependent and unhealthy.
It's the thought that it's all over what kills me still...
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
I liked the part that said "You need to be healthy yourself to become a "role model" in order for another to recognize that there is something "wrong" with them that needs changing. Loving and caring for yourself is the most healthy selfish thing you can do for another."
It's the thought that it's all over what kills me still...
Hey buddy, I know the feeling. Gypsy sent me this today..."You messed up. So did she. You changed. So did she. It broke. It wasn't fixed. It ended."
That's the cold, hard fact.
Each of us must work out for ourselves the way to end our own suffering and attain happiness. It's up to each of us to realise that it is our own actions that determine our future. Our destiny is not determined by an outside power but by the way we live our own lives and our personal attitudes to suffering. It's some Eastern thinking, but it makes sense. It could just as easily have come from Emerson's Self-Reliance.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Antlers- I appreciate what you're saying, but have to disagree a little with:
"It's up to each of us to realise that it is our own actions that determine our future. "
This is a lesson I'm trying to UN-learn. Some people take major action and make a huge effort and work on everything about themselves and the relationship- but they can't make their spouse want to be married to them if they don't want to be, and people can do their best to change, make amends, and everything else, but if the spouse doesn't want it enough to do the work themselves, it won't change things. I just need to say that b/c some folks beat themselves up thinking- could I have made a difference if I'd just done XYZ???? And you know what, they were doing backflips and major hoop-jumping but you just can't change another's mind if they don't want to change it.
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
I'm so sorry I've been somewhat MIA. Just struggling big time with my own crap. I wish I had something smart to tell you other than "hang in there". It's probably the last thing you feel like doing, but what's happened with the single parents meet-up group and any other possible GAL? That's what you'd advise me to do, right, to get my mind out of ruminating?
We'll just keep throwing each others' advice back around til it sinks into one of our thick skulls- deal?
Hope you have a relatively peaceful night. Thanks for sharing the stuff on detaching.
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
I liked the part that said "You need to be healthy yourself to become a "role model" in order for another to recognize that there is something "wrong" with them that needs changing. Loving and caring for yourself is the most healthy selfish thing you can do for another."
wii, that's why I drink V8 lol! I'm healthy as a tomato.
Antlers, those are some wise words, thanks for sharing your thoughts. You're right our own destinity is determined by us.
Alice, you are so right about that...I did make huge efforts, sacrifices and took chances and risks to win her back and I did get her back but my changes alone weren't enough to keep her and eventually she left because she didn't want to change herself, in fact, she never even bothered telling me what was bothering her if anything. Just like before, one day she packs up and leaves.
Quote:
I'm so sorry I've been somewhat MIA. Just struggling big time with my own crap.
No need to say sorry...I know things have been rough on you lately and it sucks that you don't even get to post here anymore.
Quote:
We'll just keep throwing each others' advice back around til it sinks into one of our thick skulls- deal?
I'll make that deal...I bet you'll get tired of repeating first lol
As for the meetup group, I'm keep an eye on their various events but I'm OK where I am right now. It's comfortable for me this way. I'm not feeling anxious to get out and I'm not wanting anything or anyone in particular.
Thanks for the well wishes and hope you and all of you guys have a good peaceful night. Until tomorrow...
Last edited by StupidRomeo; 06/08/1005:31 AM.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Hey Romeo...just to show you that flattery will get you everywhere
here are some words of wisdom from someone who has been through the fire and come out the other side...take it with a grain of salt or a tequilla shooter...whichever
I am sorry I didn't read all 7798765 pages of you stuff...my eyes get all wacky and I am mildly adhd
but
i did read that your ex is bi-polar? confirmed or just suspected?
because
if she is bi-polar she does NOT feel bad she doesn't feel guilt about anything she has done because she doesn't think anything she has done is bad she did it to save herself to be a better mother to (fill in the blank)
you can't make crazy make sense
it took me a long time to figure that out
but
remember
you can't make crazy make sense
stop trying you will drive yourself nuts
she is really crazy
AJ lied about everything in our marriage like what he did in high school millions of years before I met him crap that wouldn't matter why? because he was a sociopath
no other reason
he was crazy
he was
not me
she is
not you
once that point sinks its way in everything else will come easier
and
the other side of all this is so much better than I ever imagine my life could be
even when I was married
sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much better
you will get there Romeo just don't drink the damn poison (her craziness) (you know....from Romeo and Juliet???)
